2013: NOV. 16-DEC. 14. GRAND ADVENTURE CRUISE MEDITERRANEAN/TRANSATLANTIC

NOV. 20, 2013 PARTHENON ON ACROPOLIS (& OTHER OLD THINGS)

GRAND ADVENTURE: MEDITERRANEAN AND TRANSATLATIC VOYAGE ON THE RUBY PRINCESS NOV. 15-DEC. 14

PART ONE: MEDITERRANEAN--VENICE TO BARCELONA NOVEMBER 15-28

A VODKA SMUGGLER'S DREAM

A SMUGGLER

SATURDAY/SUNDAY NOV 15/16


DIVISION OF LABOR

WEIGHING A MONTH'S WARDROBE

Why are we both so edgy? Haven't we done this thing so many times before? Vacations for god's sake. Taxi arrives at six, Don up waves us goodbye, jolly driver helps, and we are through check-in and screening at San Diego's airport by 6:30. Travel professionals! Bob looks up longingly at the shmancy fancy lounge we were in last time. Though having breakfast below with time to spare in the super duper newly revamped United terminal (all chromium and palm trees) ain't bad.

OUR AIRPORT IS GROWING UP

For me a Thai scramble with Broccoli, mushrooms, and healthy (their term) red rice plus some jasmine tea from a Saffron's outlet. Bob imports his breakfast wrap, which he pronounces “good”, from the pizzeria next door. "A nice glass of champagne would not be unwelcome," he says, now staring at a "Bubbles" bar nearby (it's that kind of place now). Wanting. Wishing. Soon enough a sensualist's dream can be fulfilled. Let's just get through the transportation part.

As we wander, I say we just got (whew that was close) 6 months of advance rent from yesterday's new tenant, let's spend it all. Spa treatments? He agrees. Encouraged I: "Have your nails done!" "I don't have any nails," says B. “We'll get a discount then” says I reverting instantly to old ways.

On the way to our plane, we bump into Bob, a client of Rocco's, our personal trainer, and chit chat about our travels, a familiar trope.

PLANE MOVIE: STUCK IN LOVE. Greg Kinnear, Jennifer Connely. Family of writers. My estimate in the first ten minutes: it’s a film-by-the-numbers. Set-ups instantly recognizable.

Baby up the aisle. Makes me smile. (And it rhymes). I guess I just like small live creatures. Dogs will do. God a puppy sentiment. Give up writing. Or am I really bored by this direct-to-airplane movie. Be tough goddamit. Don't be a sap. Sappiness is no way to endure old age.

There’s the feel good ending, people getting what they want. I am tearful. Only had a glass of water I swear. Oops.

2 1/2 men - drek. The Mentalist. Contrived drek. Makes me feel justified not to watch TV other than MSNBC, always on default in our abode.

Teen Chefs rushing to complete competing dishes against the clock. Is that what fine food chefs are expected to do? "Delicious, chef but it tastes . . . Rushed." Love the clearly gay 14 year old making a "manly" dish. B and I are laughing aisles across when he presents "a dish made for a queen". Precious.

This goes under the heading of Getting There Is Half The Fun. So while we are in the Dulles airport I receive a message that our flights are on schedule including the third and final lap, Brussels to Venice, arriving 10ish leaving 11ish only to discover minutes later that the flight has been canceled, our luggage on the way for timely arrival, and our substitute has been scheduled for 7 hours later, arriving in Venice at 6pm. We try to quench our consternation and find the bright light that at least the ship is overnight in Venice. Only Bob's promise that I'll have a double vodka (I'd have one anyway) once aboard is a real palliative.

On board the plane there is a gaggle of Africans occupying our seats and wrangling about overhead luggage storage while all wait and I try to lift and fit some woman's square peg in a round whole as it were. This time the multiplying of minor disasters makes us giddy.

Adding to the fact that one of my two vodkas does not open. Neither Bob nor the flight attendant has any luck with this "trick bottle". But then calm descends as I watch the venerable chestnut ARSENIC AND OLD LACE. The two poisoning aunts (12 newly deceased old men and counting) are brilliant as is their "good" but panicked nephew Cary Grant whose comic double takes are legion. Every element is perfect, Raymond Massey, as their very bad nephew, Peter Lorre as his wheedling (who does wheedling better?) partner in crime. Edward Everett Horton, Josephine Hull, Jack Carson - all the old favorites.

2 white wines for me, a third for my husband, plus calisthenics in the rear of the plane as the attendants hoot and holler at their in-jokes about passengers makes it possible to survive this, the long leg in anticipation of that never-ending hiatus in impending airport hell.

The single light shining this time is that we're getting a tour of European airports. Thus the glass strains to remain half full. Our Brussels contact routes us to Frankfort on Lufthansa where we then catch a flight to Venice Marco Polo scheduled to arrive at 1:30 - saving us 4 hours over that nutty last minute change.

 

LOST . . . AND LOST?

APPROACHING THE PORT IN VENICE

There's a character in Chekhov nicknamed a thousand and one misfortunes. Needless to say in Venice we collect our two large bags but no sign of our carry-on carrying our shoes and toiletries. Much mishigas with the lost and found. It's still in Brussels. Won't be delivered to the ship in time—probably will meet the ship in Athens. Oh la la. Sad thing is that Bob is angry -- with me I think because I suggested we take an earlier flight after official assurances that our luggage will travel with us "always, after 9/11". There are lessons probably to be learned here.

Onboard the ship and in the International Dining Room we get, with some small resistance, a table for two --actually they gave us a table for four to luxuriate in and we buy a gold wine package of twelve bottles, this time choosing an Elements red. Service from the necessary Filipinos seems stolid. Maybe the recent horrible tragedy of hurricane loss hangs over them though our room steward, handsome young Lamberto, greeting us as soon as we arrive in our cabin, seemed cheerful.

Reuel’s cream of mushroom is serviceable. Bob’s chicken broth with spinach and tortellini is good. I order a shrimp cocktail . . . because I can. Bob’s leek and ricotta torte is nicely complemented by a ratatouille . Reuel’s Prime rib needs to be a better cut.

Wonder about our Filipino servers. They seem down and why not. Reuel has a cheese plate. Bob’s hazelnut ice cream, a chocolate infusion into hazelnut has too much bland chocolate and not enough hazelnut.

Watching the patrons exit before we have our dessert we note that they are straight and look dowdy and glum. So happy that we are neither. And as to service, it's a Tsunami tofufillopini. (Acknowledged: a very un-pc sentiment.)


VENICE CHAMBER ORCHESTRA



CONTORTIONIST IN PIAZZA

And then to catch the Venice Chamber Orchestra playing Vivaldi's Four Seasons, (we're parked outside Venice for god's sakes) --impressive. Then Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, Mozart. Leichtes Blut, Johan Strauss. Then Shostakovitch’s Spanish Dance, Por Ina cabeza. Tango from the film Scent of a Woman. Carlos Gardeleroy Anderson's Strings Pops “The Typewriter” etc. fantastic. One and a half minute sound bites of familiar "classical" melodies. But it’s a pleasant diversion. Travel-weary Bob naps through the concert


Back "home" (for so it is, a perfectly wonderful cocoon, bed sitting room, suite if you will--though that might be a stretch), we discover that our missing luggage has been returned. I declare to Bob that I am happy, and there are punctuational kisses, not only because all of our things--and actually so many of our things--how DO you pack for a month trip on the high seas after all--are in-house now but because everything is falling into place. The calendar of the next day's events shows that there will be plenty of musical events, lectures, even Zumba (though no other aerobics scheduled?) and that "cruise feel" that you are being taken care of, that you have choices, brings on those very pleasant pheromones.

FOR FUTURE PACKING REFERENCE

MONDAY, NOV 18.
Slept well on our comfortable queen size bed. Soundless cabin on Dolphin Deck Forward Starboard. Hooray. Though R has some sniffles. That nice room service guy brings us a sumptuous breakfast, egg and ham sandwiches, fruit, pastries. Not a bad way to go as we contemplate the impending passenger muster drill and the day’s activities.



Life Jackets Within Reach

A half hour of saying goodbye to Venice and, from a unique perspective for us, seeing the entire Venetian panorama (while that annoying Bocelli blind guy sings in the background).

Then a tour of the thermal suite; its sauna, steam room, warm lounges and showers convinces us (or rather I convince Bob) to buy a 12 day pass we'd better use.

Greek music welcomes us back to the Princess Theatre where we await a lecture about Athens from Julio Delgado, resident destination expert.

Greece occupied a very strategic position. 11.5 million. Athens 4 million. 17 heritage sites. Region of Attica. Minoan civilization 27 centuries BC. Then Macedonians (Bronze Age of Greece). History of Greece essentially begins in the 8th c BC when the Olympic games started. 5th c BC represents the power of Athens with the defeat of the Persians. Drama and philosophy flourished. Golden age. Athens was built on 8 hills. Greeks built temples--all built on top of hills (acropolises).
19th c -- Greek war of independence. 1st WW good for Greeks against Turks. Helped allies.
2nd WW. Damaged. Greeks suffered at the hands of Italians and Germans. Many immigrated. Chaotic growth of Athens then.

Greeks Break laws. For example, they have 2 cars to park everyday in Athens.
Says Greeks happy thru economic crisis. (Huh!?)
Apollo, Zeus, Aphrodite. Many temples to those three. Athens-Athena. Goddess of wisdom who won the battle for Attica.
2 main docks. Dock A older- where we dock. Taxis. Metered. But agree on price. To Athens about 22 Euros. Piraeus: up hill to modern Piraeus.
In Athens traffic lights are used for ornament. Buses 843 and 859. To metro to Athens. 1 euro 40. (But say I am from the UK for a discount). Green line. Get off at Monastaraki.
Parthenon. Museum of Acropolis. Very interesting.
Ermou street. Shops Closed 1:30-2:30 for lunch.
Old church. Restored. Syntagma square with palace. Change of guard. 11:55 am.
Agora 4 Euros. Archeological museum. 5 minutes walk from Victoria statue. National gallery modern. Lukanvitos hill by taxi. Funicular to top for great views.
Temple of Poseidon - great views.
Corinth canal. Small cargo boats, ferries. 1/2 hour To Corinth. St. Paul wrote Corinthians there.


LUNCH In the DaVinci dining room (avoiding the scary Horizon Court buffet). Large bloodies (Bob recalls that our local bar Nunu's calls theirs “a meal in itself”. This is.) Bob: Combo of Thai soup, salad and Philly steak sandwich: "Dorothy we're not in Philly anymore." R Thai soup and salad. The Thai soup is indeed spicy and good. Salad just right.
It’s nice, at least at this juncture, not to overeat.

MONDAY BLOODY MONDAY

 As to this "anytime" dining room and its partner Michaels, they are more intimate in feel (for starters one story) than Celebrity's two tiered, but more opulent, one main dining room.

We buy a thermal spa package for this lap of the cruise at $108 each. Includes the use of heated lounges, sauna, steam, aromatic hot room, and rain showers. Actually a good deal if we use it. As it turns out I do after our visit to the internet manager. (How did I use 2 hours of Internet when I couldn't get in? Apparently I did unknowingly and just left it on. Huh? Next cruise be very very careful.) Still can't access my email. Drat. Flaw on ocean sailing. Connectivity [maybe the only flaw].  The hot chaise is remarkably relaxing; the steam is great as is the special shower.

Reversing things though, Bob and I go to the Zumba class. Yes Bob! A new adventure for him, this peek into the world of Zumba. Unfortunately we are late, the class is teeming and it's hard to see the instructor who emphasizes more the aerobic exercise than the dance aspect of Zumba which actually is better for Bob, now an accomplished aerobics guy. But a workout it is. Next time arrive early to Zumba and take the thermal spa/shower afterwards and the world will be beautiful.

A fruit basket is delivered (Princess doesn't do complimentary hors d'oeuvres for its concierge class [here mini-suite] people as does Celebrity so we'll take the fruit.

Wonderfully homogenized Brit band in the Atrium. Lead co-singer appears gay . And there's a young couple dancing fabulously. We think they're ringers considering the average age on this ship of the aged. Decide this is a honeymoon, he’s 40 2nd marriage. That's what we do--create stories.

On Princess at dinner couples fight for tables, our buzzer buzzes and we get a virtually private dining room. Bob says that we were crossed out on the waiting list with a different color. "And what does that mean?" "We're trouble."
Tip. Be trouble.

r

Nice Barolo Stefano Farina wine--has some bite-- on our premium wine card. Don't lose it--10 more wines to go. Bob thinks it's not full-bodied, rich, succulent. Next time we should order a cab.

We talk about the onboard arrival photos. Somehow ours are not there. Just as well. We were pretty frazzled. 24 hours en route. Lost luggage. But from the photos I count only 5 male couples and 4 single males. We decide we need to check the 6 pm GLBT happy hour to see if a soul attends. Just for curiosity. We don't really care.

Appetizer. Beef satay with peanut sauce. "Nothing fully seasoned" says Bob. "Peanut sauce should be more pungent. It's sauce for Montana. Really safe."
We sign up for a wine tasting tomorrow even though we are no longer San Diego wine gurus . . .  thank God.

The food tends to be bland. I think that's the Princess concept. Don't rock the boat, as it were. Considering the average age is . . . Ours, maybe that's a good idea. Not for us, however. Bob Pan-fried chicken. Bland. R seafood cioppino. Bland.

At last there's a table of two gay couples in the dining room. We are disparaging of the carefully draped sweaters. At least they have more style than the others here.

Time it right. The oldsters have already populated the theatre and we get practically the last seats for the Big Shew.

This is an extremely accomplished Irish cruise director. Funny. Works the crowd.
Then an Irish comic. Excellent. And a production dancers’ teaser. Princess wins at this. Then we get another teaser in the atrium with a dancing pair, singing pair and the Russian lady contortionist for whom great respect because apparently she had all of her bones removed, to excellent result.

Then in one of those great bars, appropriately the Crooners Bar, a gay piano singer who is really good, screams pro, doing the favorites - "We've Only Just Begun". And then sweet accomplished senior couples dancing and one of many antique Swiffer Commercial type couples settling into seats.

It’s really sweet seeing these elderly couples dancing with a practiced precision.

Nighty night.

TUESDAY NOV 19
Today starts with a start. It's 6:30. Get ready for aerobics at 7. But we failed to turn the clock an hour ahead, and this our one big responsibility. So back under the covers.
As BBC announces record stock market prices and with it the realization that nothing terribly could've happened at home we head up to the pigfest.

My problem with buffets . . .

Eyes too big. Plate too large. Try to avoid buffet. The disgusting plenitude. The guilt! After weeks of dieting, carb overload seems . . . Next subject.

Zumba is much more sparse than yesterday. Is it the time change? Is it that the floor is rocking with the gorgeous crashing waves? Is it that some discovered that it's more exercise than dancing. At least under Eve's ministrations. But there's Bob sticking with it again. Good boy.

We pass by the miraculous fruit cutting demo and the port lecture and are filled with pleasure at the choices a big ship affords.

Much mishigas about the luggage because I let passenger services think we hadn't received it (they offered a free tux rental for tonight's formal) but Lamberto asked us, then they left a message, then I called, then they called. And we wonder how it magically appeared anyway without their knowing. But kudos for their attentiveness.

Now we're sweaty in our exercise clothes, so the big question is what to wear to the thermal. Answer, whatevah. Ok I confess to being a sensualist. And perhaps that makes Bob the Brainy one. (But let's not bother with picayune distinctions). I luxuriate in the thermal spa where I decide I could spend half my life. Not only the hot bed but the fog shower and the rain shower and the gentle sauna and the steam and the aromatic steam and the . . . and I emerge feeling wonderful but though Bob likes the bed he says "I forgot how much I hate the heat. I kept thinking what if I can't get out. I'm trapped. . . . I read too many detective stories." Chaque a son gout (or some such). To each his own goo. And some like it hot.

Ye Olde Pub Lunch

To The Wheelhouse (a big room with dark wood paneling reminiscent of a fancy pub, actually, says Bob, of an elegant hotel lounge ) for a pub lunch. Seated at the bar adds to the experience. We choose a Strongbow ale--a kind of cider--actually delicious. And steak pie.

The wine tasting. The Maitre D’Hotel, Nicola, gives stats e.g.: About 2000 Americans are aboard. Crew numbers over 1000 mostly from the Philippines. Sauvé blanc most popular wine here. Used to be chardonnay.
Veuve clicquot = widow Much about sediment. 56 million bubbles are in a bottle of champagne. Sad we heard all this before but luckily we forgot it all. Caviar good with champs. Then 3 steps of drinking wine. All his assistants are raconteurs.
White wines: When age get darker. Red get lighter.

The veuve is good. As is the Brunello Montalcino $49.

Fashion Victim

Then Loretta sits next to me. She's a real character, botoxed to the nines. Houses in NYC, Miami, Mexico. She's only here she claims because of her bargain hunting sister in law. Agrees that Celebrity is a step up. (More about that probably later) and that Silverseas is quality but too old. Thinks Crystal and Regents are the best. Husband died at 49 (probably left her a pile). She wants what she wants, demanding this and that from the Maître D's. Poo pooing a wine because it's 2012. Says another she buys at Costco for parties. Well yes. We talk of an India trip in February that we might do if our Indonesia falls through, but frankly at $7000 per -- nope.

NAP TIME.

 

Art for "Art Auctions". Blech.



FORMAL NIGHT

We decide to miss the Captain's party this eve because we go to the Captain's Circle event-- a peek at the orchestra and the homogenized lead singers of the big shows (4 of them this segment--we'll probably see these shows again on the next one, the transatlantic). The captain (actually the commodore of the Princess fleet) is uncomfortable in English. Actually I'd rather have the fleet exec chef on the cruise as we did on a Celebrity cruise, where the food was quite good.

FORMAL NIGHT. It's formal night #1, and we avoid the big Captain's party in favor of getting our own table at dinner (doesn't "share well with others"). Our poor waitress when we give her our wine card doesn't know which dining room it is in nor do we. Have they lost our bottle as we wait and wait? (Celebrity wins here)

R. Oysters cream sauce a little bland B. Waldorf Stilton mousse. Quite good. We reorder our Barolo.
I ask our diminutive character plus, and probably gay, server if he was on the Princess Diamond. "Maybe I have a brother. We are 17 kids. My dad is a player."




That drink has my name on it . . .

R. Shrimp. The rice is just white rice (Bob says all Jews have an aversion to white food) and the other sides are bland. Shrimp undistinguished. Thus far they just don't sauce the foods interestingly. Bobs medallions of beef is over cooked. He chooses not to return it but I'll let Jewell, our gay server, know to let the chef know. (All gets better with the diminishing wine however.) Dessert. B. Oreo cookie crusted peanut butter chocolate pie. Flavorful but hoping for something crunchier. R. Bananas foster. Simply Ok.

So in Crooners bar our new favorite the Welsh singer pianist is in residence--Bacharach, Sinatra, you know the routine--but he's really good and then, OMG, my mocha martini: stoli vodka, white crème de cacao and Tia Maria has my name printed in chocolate on the martini glass (really), a half dozen white chocolate beans within and a dark and white chocolate flower on its surface. And it's absolutely delicious. Much is redeemed. They got me at "r".

Eve and Tommy


Then there's a music trivia game, lots of fun with Tommy joined by our glammed up but still bubbly Zumba instructor Eve who at one point when we’re marking our competitor’s answer paper I ask does it need to be precise. No she says "the prize is shit shit, I'll get fired, it's pronounced ship."

WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 20 ATHENS
We were last here in June 1996 and arrived the day my sister-in-law, Toby, died. She had been excited about our trip, our first major trip together, so I didn't feel utterly guilty about not being able to turn around to attend a funeral but it did cast a pall over the trip for us.

We're crossing the Adriatic of Homer's "wine dark sea" fame and arriving in unprepossessing Piraeus, port city 30 minutes from Athens, at 9 am, some "runt" islands in view as our big ship grudgingly moves into its dock.




FERRIES TO SURROUNDING ISLANDS

I grab some pleasurable heat infused moments in the thermal suite, still trying to figure out the intricacies of the rain shower mechanisms, before we head up to breakfast. This morning I add some muesli to my menu; it's a delish but guilty pleasure.



HADRIAN'S ARCH

An Olympic Stadium

Rena our guide. Rainy all morning now sunshine. We feel clever to have the last tour at 11:30. Of the city, the old city has 2 million cars for 5 mill people. No parking areas so residents double park. Parkers leave notes to cars they obstruct. 10.5 million in Greece so ½ of the population inhabits Athens and the Acropolis.
St. Nick protects sailors at the port of Piraeus. The Aegean is between Greece and Turkey. Aegeas killed himself in the water because he thought his son Theseus was dead. Today a new warship is here; we hear the celebratory horns. Called Zeus port. Gods did not create the universe, but are of the universe. Zeus - air and order - honored here. Poseidon honored in the south.
All the city states on the mainland had a fortress/acropolis with a Temple always in its center.
Pass the red roofed football stadium 2004. Marshall arts stadium across from it. Olympics cost 5 times Sydney's, bankrupted Greece.
Graffiti on way to city not political but created by young football fans, no  gangs here.
New Izmir was established by Greeks who left Turkey. 78% of Greece is covered by mountains.
We see aggressive driving (from these "happy" --according to our ship travel guide--people). She talks about the 2 cars per person scam to counter the rotating parking regulations. But now the people have sold their 2nd car because of economy. Eases the congestion somewhat.

The Stadium was rebuilt in 1893 on the grounds of the ancient stadium. Built with marble.

Ottoman Turks' empire lasted until the 19th c. Originally Olympics held in Olympia near Sparta. In Athens a stadium.
Pass Hadrian’s arch.


NEW STADIUM ATOP OLD

We stop to climb up to the Acropolis. Bob recalls that last time we were here it was hot n dry. Now it’s somewhat cool and wet.



GRAND PORTAL

Temple to Nike victory goddess.
..take selfie at theatre.



This was for music. 6th c cult of Dionysus. On the side where the market is their god cult is Ephesus (Vulcan)..
Photo of best preserved temple.
At portal, on the way thru the alysium. Elgin marbles frieze on Parthenon shows procession for horsemen nobles; other entrances were for the common people.

In 1689 the Parthenon exploded. But ancient drawings of temple are extant.
Three: Big temple, small temple and the entrance. Honored Athena from 11th c BC when “historical” people began. 6th c laws, legislation. Athena was one of 12 gods but her name comes from an earlier female society, she as Mother Earth. She was a fighter. Poseidon her enemy. But in this temple they are honored together. Earth and water.
The Erychtheion-- the priestesses- displays Ionian columns.

ERYCHTHEION

Parthenon Doric. Restoration - now reflecting columnar inclinations-- and titanium rather than iron. The Parthenon took 11 years to build. The City was an open workshop then.
Battle of marathon occurred 42 kilometers from here. All colonies were occupied by Persians but they were defeated at Marathon. Peace signed. Athenians were a power. 130 warships. Colonies paid taxes to Athenians to protect them. This largesse paid for the Parthenon which was built before the  civil wars between Athens and Spartans.We take selfies but trade with a couple for an “iconic” photo with the Parthenon as backdrop.



THE ACROPOLIS

Bob advises me on our treacherous way down that before we leave this offers another opportunity to destroy another World Heritage site (reference to a Machu Pichu escapade when I accidentally dislodged an historic stone to the dismay of our guide).

Now the city drive. Very narrow streets in Greece. Small families in the cities.
To the south Archeologists found the temple of Zeus and the Olympic stadium for 8th c BC’s 1st Olympics. Hygienic system existed 4000 years ago. 
I get a video of the 2 Greek guards in front of the parliament. Every Greek man has to serve 2 years.

Pass Schliemann anthropological museum, pass academy of arts and letters Plato and Socrates statues in front.
There are 27,000 taxis in Athens. Pass several places with columns where I think I hid during 1964 revolution I happened upon as military and militias clashed in the street.
Now 40% of stores closed and there are homeless people. Not so before.
Snap a pic of a church built in 9th c.
In old days the City of Athens had 100,000 population; it was built around the acropolis.

Greek alphabet from 11thc BC. Took Phoenician language and added vowels.

In 1922 the president started a war to liberate Izmir and Ankara. Lost.

Boats leave for Mykonos, one of the islands called The Cyclades circling around Delos. There are 297 inhabited islands. More than 3000 uninhabited ones. Once a closed land. Turks have only 2 of these islands.
Ithaca is the island of Ulysses. Scorpiois the island of the Onassis family. Churches have blue domes, a protective color for the Greeks.

This is the last week of cruise arrivals. "Thank you" (yes we tip the guide and driver) after Eucharist is “Eucharisto”.
We take Early dinner at 5:30 because we are hungry having had only a late breakfast. Our Thai waiter is friendly but almost unintelligible. Serbia serves us today's selection, Chateau St Michelle cab. Ok. He acknowledges that Princess has eliminated its concierges unlike Celebrity. (I'm determined to do a comparison/analysis--Princess probably will not win that particular bout. The chicken salad appetizer with pico de gallo succeeds too.)

We do get that the soup, we have the Thai, does not compare to his grandmother's--actually spicy and quite good.
Bob has turkey scaloppini - a mystery dish because he's not sure how it's supposed to turn out -- it's good. Reuel has the Salmon. Not special but he's (note scary 3rd person technique) glad to have salmon.
Dessert B. Espresso ice cream. Good. R. Butterscotch tart. Rather too Lovely.

And then the first production show to which we, early, cadge close seats uncharacteristically ignoring the opportunity to have drinks . . . This time. Of the show, Dan Styne the cruise director mc has proclaimed that it's exclusive to the Ruby and designed to exploit its state of the art technical capacity. This it does to cheesy and for Reuel satisfying excess (not cheesy enough declares Bob) with filmed projections against a three sided backdrop. The premise of a girl (a rather older girl as it turns out, a pretty and graceful Asian with a slightly objectionable voice) who in a bizarre mix of Alice in Wonderland (dancing characters plucked from the looking glass) and the Wizard of Oz (there's even a hurricane scene - wonder how the serving Phillipino take this) is awakened to fantasyland by her slightly chunky lead singer antiseptic lover so that they can dance and sing through remarkably fast paced vignettes requiring no doubt legions of backstage dressers.

This represents the apotheosis of a "cruise ship production show" genre which most directly harks back to the American Hippodrome spectacles. The audience is dazzled by the forward thrust of it all, leads and dancers straining to please (though as a former cruise ship performer I should tread lightly here--all are in fact polished to a faretheewell) through each vignette's excuse to showcase a familiar tune here not at all relating in type - pop, classical -- to the next one. And I just love love it!

Back early but even with an Ambien I don't sleep well or enough. Maybe there’s too much stimulation on this "relaxing" holiday?

At 5:15 Bob stirs and I am awakened from my dream which I "enthusiastically" recite about carved animals that we've neglected and have died. The case of a Thai Gila monster who is alive—“it has no brain” says dream Bob- then there are community members who barge into our home. These are the least desirable missionary types who are clearly going to speak with us and on a Saturday night. I complain about this intrusion to the board president who also arrives.

At this point I ask Bob to explain the dream. Reluctant he says it's your hatred of organized religion. But I think it has something to do with all these people on the ship some of whom are not our type. Like the Texas couple on the tour bus who loudly clicked and aha'd when the guide said so many Greeks are out of work and need government assistance as if to signal their opinion that Greeks are lazy and this is what America will come to. Besides it's almost time for breakfast . . .

THURSDAY NOVEMBER 21. KUSADASI/EPHESUS

Bob is disapproving that I'm making the bed considering we have a steward. It's my way of being organized and besides I'm not exactly executing military corners with the duvet. We have responsibilities! Such as getting ready to have breakfast served to us. You can't just be lying about like n'er do wells, which of course we are (and that's the point). And then we need to meet our tour at 7:30 in order to revisit Ephesus.

As I give him a big hug Bob wonders how he's going to stay awake today. You have to stay awake to keep me awake I say. You see, responsibilities.

KUSADASI

Breakfast. Delivered and most satisfactory. Even if the main course is a glorified                              McMuffin.

The Wheelhouse Bar is oppressively crowded. Apparently the embarkation is delayed because the Rotterdam docked first. Damned dutchies! So the tour lines are backed up. God's waiting room is teeming. And like sheep to the slaughter we are funneled into the Princess Theatre to await our turn to be wheeled around or in this case walked around.

Ugh. God's Waiting Room.

Trying to remember our last visit, how remarkable the Roman city was, the communal toilet, the sophisticated plumbing system, the shops, the storage, the steps away from the sea.



Clash of the Titans

Local Color

Just lying around

Piece by piece putting it together . . .

Ergin our guide. Sense of humor. Country names Turkie, (a peninsula) Asia Minor, Anatolia (ancient name). Kusadasi, 70,000 winter population, summer 1/2 million. He's great. Funny.

KUSADASI is “Bird Island”. Ephesus is located on a hill. We walk from upper gate to lower. Knew he'd be funny when he bit someone's ticket and pronounced it good.

Don't buy coins (old could mean yesterday) watches (“genuine fake”), or colognes (colored water).

Ephesus was a port city. Silted up by river. Now 2 miles away. This Aegean region is very fertile. Lots of peaches. Mulberry for the leaves, which are the favorite of silk worms. Therefore there are silk worm farms and they make silk scarves.

Difficult to excavate because of high water table. No desert in Turkey.

Turkish is a central Asian language. Similar to Finnish.

It’s the end of the season so we can bargain.

At the end of 4 c BC the city is built. Temple of Artemis - Diana - 5 k away so Ephesus became a pilgrimage place. Mixture of Greek and Roman. During Roman era Ephesus flourished. Important to Christians because John and the Virgin Mary were here.
2nd c it was at its height. But then the harbor became unusable (silting) 4thc AD the people here became Christian. Mosquitoes came and people died from malaria. Abandoned. Earthquakes completely destroyed it. End of city 7th c ad. 1869 started excavating. 144 yrs to excavate 8%. It would take another 1000 years to finish. Every bldg marble. Local stone. Amazing plumbing system. Running water in every bldg. supplied from an aqueduct 16 miles away. Relationship NYC to Washington, D.C.= Ephesus to Rome.

Odeon smaller theatre for music.



Odeon

 Big stone with no mortar identifies Greek. Small stone mortar identifies Rome. There were 2 agoras, one political the other commercial. Columns of different types. Town center. Can see wheel marks. 
Arches of temple of Dalmatian near hospital. Found instruments and medicines. Dr. Rufus 1st c ad described kidney stone operation. Cats around. Lady with cane our guide watches out for.

Statue of roman doctor on vestal virgin street. Originally lined with statues like an art gallery.

He shows us the sidewalks for pedestrians all mosaics. Shops. Calls it Rodeo Drive. Walls faced w paintings and marble. Found marble bed with heating systems (I guess like my thermal bed onboard).

Library of Celsus

Stop at Hadrian temple. Friezes depict foundation of city.

Public toilet.

City buried in valley 2/3 outside of valley. Story of the best little whorehouse in emphasis. 2nd floor 21 bedrooms with racy paintings on walls.

Library of Celsus. ! Facade of Library and tomb of man who built it. Columns on 1st floor thicker than 2nd for perspective. Ergin guided here 43 yrs saw building being constructed. Biggest jigsaw puzzle in city.

Of theatre largest in ancient world accommodated (10% of population)24000. Therefore 240,000 lived in city. Not stadium, est. 37000 (not excavated) not amphitheater (double theatre full circle) theatre is semicircle.

Main street was 3 1/2 miles long. Marble street was ceremonial street arrived at harbor and then procession. Emperor Arcadianos widened it. We get the word arcade from it.

At exit vendor says do you want to see old coins? I think he says old queens. (I just need to look in the mirror for that.)

On bus. Sa ol is thank you.
See the entrance arch to stadium.
Then the horses entrance.
Found cemetery of slain gladiators.
Gas $13 a gallon.
Goodbye to Kusadasi. It's a very posh summer destination. Who knew?

Onboard and very pleased that we decided to take the tour. In the Da Vinci it's matzoh ball soup for us wayfarers and it's good-- we're connoisseurs. B's beef roulade (when asked what it is, he says "it's rolled up Beef like a jelly roll." Huh?) Verdict:"not the beef roulade of my childhood but it's good. Generally the kitchen knows how to do vegetables."
Reuel has a salad nicoise with vinegar and oil. It's my fault if it's no good since I administer the dressing. Actually we prefer having lunch with the remainder of our Barolo wine in the dining room rather than contending with the rush at the buffet. And we are given a nice table by ourselves.

The Captain interrupts lunch with his travelogue announcement which is hard to understand but something about that we had good weather today - true - entering the Dardanelles this evening which sounds exotic and exciting. Then I hear “next Istanbul and rains, showers”. Oh well.

Mini napping in our cabin as the ship returns to the port to deposit a sick passenger.

Thermal for me. Treadmill for Bob.

"Most men die before their wives. Why? Because they want to." That sort of thing. But he's really funny, the mc, Dan Styne, which is not the case w the singer, " a star of the west end" who does represent the kind of middle of the road entertainment . Ernest, portly, (Bob thinks that's a sin) later we think we've seen him before, but then Celebrity has its hits and misses too. Good voice but . . . Cheesy. And "I've seen Andre Bocelli once. Have you heard if him? Big applause. “I’ll sing his big song." Big applause.

Room service. Takes an hour to deliver not 20 or 30 minutes promised.

FRIDAY NOVEMBER 22.  ISTANBUL

APPROACHING ISTANBUL, TURKEY

Our electronic wake up call occurs at 5:45 AM in time for Breakfast in our cabin at 6. Plenty of fruit from the baskets, Bob is having delivered daily, to slice into my cereal, a la home. Bob has the egg sandwich. I'm up to fitness for a stretch. There are only 4 of us in the class. Probably could have stayed for abs class at 7:30 since our tour is scheduled to meet at 8:30 but just getting the hang of the day-in-port schedules.

In the theatre which is the tour staging (waiting, as in God's waiting room) area we see a soundless video teaser for the trip DVD. Such a thing could put me out of business as a travel diarist and picture taker so I'm ambivalent.

Actually Princess has the tour process down. Give 'em that.

OLD ROMAN WALLS

Our guide reveals an odd Turkish/British accent as he gives the Weather report. (Navzat, Nav, is the guide ) 55 F; some chance of rain. Over 2700 years ago Istanbul started with old Roman Empire 2nd c BC. Tour will go to Hagia Sofia and the grand bazaar after carpet weaving demo and then the blue mosque. Back to ship 2:30. 30 of us on the bus.

To our left is the Sea of Marmara. Bosporus connects that sea to the Black Sea. To our right the old roman walls.As we exit our bus a swarm of good looking men are desperately hawking guide books. Bob takes one thinking it free and major chaos ensues until I (the hero in my version) make it clear he does NOT want the book. NOT.

HAGIA SOPHIA

Romans captured Byzantium. By 4th c. Constantine moved to the city and it became Constantinople. Created Bodrum, horse circus. Egyptian obelisk there--brought from temple of Karnack.

The German fountain is in scaffolding. WW1 saw the fall of the Ottoman Empire. Because backed Germans.
Egyptian obelisk. 1/3 brought here by the emperor in 14thc. Bottom frieze depicts the emperor and fans watching horse races. Below that shows how the Obelisk was transported. Another side emperor and his sons and spectators below.

Serpent column from Delphi. See actual level of Hippodrome. Greeks melted weapons used against the Persian army to craft it. Standing here 1400 years.

Hagia Sophia (holy wisdom--g is soft) has been a number of churches. The 3rd one was built in 537 AD. From the 15th century it was a mosque which later became a museum. We see the main Hagia Sophia entrance festooned with lamb friezes.

Central gate was used by the emperor. Depiction of emperor asking Jesus' forgiveness for his marrying a 3rd time. First floor for men. 2nd for women. Ottomans covered the images. Marble niche to show where Mecca is so you can pray in that direction.
Alabaster urn crafted by Pergoman artists. 106 pillars. Capitals are a blend of Ionic and Corinthian.We have to make way for some dignitaries. Who are they, this procession of Business suits, generalissimos, bodyguards? WE maneuver the long winding ramp up to the ladies section.

At the exit Emperor Constantine holding model of city, Virgin Mary holding Jesus. Ablution fountain.Heading to The carpet demo. Looks awfully familiar, might be the place where we bought our carpets 17 years ago? Bob is certain it is.

PRE-PRAYER ABLUTIONS

Before 1923 forbidden to sell carpets; these were only for the  sultan. They serve us apple tea and a sesame roll. Hits the spot.
Silk carpets. Handmade. One end is darker than another. 
After wandering around the Grand Bazaar inside and out (it was much scarier to me 47 years ago--no fancy shops here then as I recall. Then I also purchased a cowbell which guests at a cocktail party given by Turkish historian, Professor Hillary Graham Boyd, with whom I was staying, decide it's very old. We have it in hiding “somewhere”.



Now I buy a snow globe. Back then I bought a genuine Turkish tray which after proudly carrying back home I discovered was made in Poland.

I'll take a dozen.

We find a bench to rest and watch the crowds. Among the passersby is a group of fat old people wearing the Princess Tours stickers. Those would be from our boat? Says Bob. "Yes. Don't they look it?"

PRAYERS AGAIN

COLOR US BLUE . . . MOSQUE

On the way to the Blue Mosque: Sultan Ahmet 1. Accessed throne at 14. Started construction in 1609 taking 7 years to complete. 6 minarets. Most important imperial mosque because it is near the Topkapi palace.

The Holy mosque in Mecca also had 6 minarets so added 3 more. The Mosque is Decorated with 21000 square tiles manufactured in Nicaea, 260 Stained glass windows., etc.

Across the way is Marmara university with 50,000 students.

Wash before entering mosque. Fountains are for these ablutions.

Workers who created this later worked on the Taj Mahal.
Since this is Friday we must wait til 1:20 to enter.

I get giddy: "After all it's close to Thanksgiving so we can have Turkey."

Men's prayer area

Someone asks our guide Nav "Were we at the bazaar?" I'm sure Nav will dine out on that one after we exchange glances with him.

Pink bldg was for Orient e
Express. And I remember to my lasting regret (what else is new?) just missing out age 23 on getting a seat on that great old train.


Old Orient Express Station

Other side of Bosporus strait is the Asian continent. This side is the European. 
Late afternoon return and at the Horizon court. I have Turkey (naturally), asparagus and cream of Broccoli soup. Bob's Thai soup is better, spicy,

Bob will nap in the cabin while I find my nirvana in the thermal suite of the spa and then discover that my spa pass also gets me into the adults only Jacuzzi (which enjoy) and pool as well as the private lounging decks [later learn that any savvy passenger has access] next to the expensive (and with our pass unnecessary) Sanctuary area. The sky is darkening and I hear the muezzin music emanating from every corner of Istanbul, now a lit panorama below. It is haunting, memorable.

I join Bob in the cabin, anxious to tell of my spa experience, and though it is drizzling we enjoy that continuing valedictory vision of a great city from its entrance and exit to the sea.

Shortly after we are in the Wheelhouse lounge enjoying romantic American songbook piano music while we sip our martinis and watch the panorama shifting by. We see the dramatically changing lights of the suspension bridge over the Marmara. "The bridge is pink now", Bob announces. They do good lighting here.

Our piano man, some sort of gruff Russian belying his occasional romantic pianistic riffs, leaves and we wonder at the scarcity (there’s only us) of drinkers in this gorgeous cavernous cruise ship lounge. Bob opines they'll come in later. I offer that as with Muslims and their prayers it is we who religiously arrive and drink at the toll of cocktail hour.

Outdoor movies constantly playing

There's a lot of talent aboard. In the atrium (plaza? Big fancy space? . . . Agora?) there's a very attractive Brit cruise management staffer singing with aplomb and presenting a highly polished solo show of American songbook standards -- a la Sinatra.

Dinner. Wine is a Laboure- ROI Gevrey Chambertin 2010. R. Scallop cerviche. Without much character. Prime Rib, good B. Wild mushroom tart. Quite good, fresh mushrooms, also Prime Rib. Finished off with a brilliant to-get-fat-for Black Forest cake. (The desserts, true to form on the ocean, are generally excellent.)

Also true to form we meet our adjacent tablemates, a charming retired couple (they've recently completed a 72 day cruise!) who are from Richmond, Canada, a small city outside of Vancouver. We trade basic bios. (She was an assistant principal, he a manager of their school district, clearly with fat pensions) and Travel tips, mostly from him, such as where to find repositioning cruises and other deals (which I pretend not to know). We're surprised to discover that in their district the majority of students are the kids of wealthy Chinese left to nanny care. She is surprised to learn we are not "designers", my colorful watch having intrigued her. We chat at length. (They're idiosyncratic: they've packed an emergency life support bag which they keep by their door--do they know something we don't?). We vow to meet again during this long trip.

SATURDAY NOVEMBER 23 MYKONOS

We don't arrive in Mykonos until afternoon, so I decide to partake of the stretch/abs combo. Today a band of 10-12 stalwarts under the not exactly tender ministrations of a gorgeous 26 year old Romanian or something. Von, two, tree. Loretta is beside me, hair teased, toenails painted, still looking a fright but the old girl stretches manfully.

This time at the teeming breakfast buffet, I take a small plate, trying to put Satan behind me (even if he keeps pushing) with muesli, yogurt, and prunes. Bob's big plate dwarfs his bagel and peanut butter. If he were on a life raft no doubt that staple would be his choice for the duration. Today, this morning at least, we are acolytes of that skinny goddess Abstainia!

Will Power -- sort of

"Are you ready?" "Zumba!" The irrepressible Eve invokes that call and response at these two now-faithful's Zumba class. I count maybe 70 classmates, most of them “clunky” says the now- proficient Bob from his perch in the back of the exercise area from which he ought to know. He also notes that the women are turf hungry and seem to perceive that this is their private class. Welcome to the personal space wars. Funny, at class-end I don't see Bob and thinking he left early (me of little faith), I rush back. No Bob. Has he been snatched away by the forces of evil? Is this some B-movie plot requiring me to bring out the heavy artillery against the bad guys? Nope just didn't see him from my front row place in the crowd.

Happily reunited, however separate. Bob to work the mills, the treadmills, that is and Reuel to seek pleasure on the thermal heat beds and finding the perfect antidote to a sleep deprived night as solo occupant of those tiled beds.

IN SPA HEAVEN

Later to wander up the spa stair to the deck overlooking the main pool area where a band plays for the onboard stragglers and sees off the hordes of Princess sailors disgorging onto our newly found Greek island.

Not new to us, however, and we set out after trying to remember our 1996 visit. Not many prods to memory after we pay Princess an outrageous $10 per person each way for a shuttle bus to take us a mile and a half to a parking lot where we then can walk along the

PARADISE REDISCOVERED

marina. Sure there are those remembered white stucco houses, brilliantly painted doors, cats everywhere (no rats in evidence), skinny alleyways with shops designed to please tourists, and at the end of the marina those famous but now useless windmills. And all the other tourists getting in the way.

WE TOO WERE HERE--WINDMILLS

What we really envisioned is a place where we can dine and have a drink by the sea. I guess we were really remembering Santorini where we had cocktails by the splashing waves. However, doubling back to the marina waterfront we do find a crowded but almost perfect restaurant which does meet our requirements, a liter of red wine and a huge plate of authentic Mykonos again. We have the immediate and serious business of napping ahead.

Greek food to share. This delicious-really! mélange includes souvlaki, grape leaves, meat balls, yoghurt, salad and fries. We feel like that TV chef who roams the world tasting indigenous dishes. Filled and tipsy we find our way back, vowing that we don't need to visit

FAMOUS MYKONOS PET PELICAN

Bob notes as it gets dark at 6 and just before we are scheduled to take leave of Mykonos that the houses on the hills are all dark. Conclusion: this is a ritzy pitzy vacation destination.

We are at 6's and 7's as how to comport the evening. We've had a late lunch and the entertainment is not prepossessing. So . . .

Nevertheless when we do set off after 7pm though Bob's noted lights are here and there lacking there are enough to make our Sail Away (failed musical with Elaine Stritch of same name. Cole Porter?) exciting -- never disappoints. You rent a hotel room, where are you going to get the thrill of leaving a port in the evening and arriving at another in the morning (as the captains cleverly time these events)? Which is why we're still on board, as it were, with cruises. (The test will be how we feel after week #4. Get back to you.)

Out. We Let Lamberto know he can reposition our bedcovers. We'll take the Atrium. Where the anti-cocktail bar pianist Jan is playing. I'm harsh. (Almost as if he still requires his last five piano lessons. Paint by numbers. But a little Asian girl showoff  bobs and twirls to his simplistic phantom of the opera interpretations. It's a show.).

There's a little hub bub, bustle of life on the ship- at this time-anytime?-Bob hustles me away from the casino. We have yet in our 13 cruises never availed ourselves of that particular opportunity. And early for the show surrounded by what? mid-west?chatter we order our drinks and wonder what the hell awaits us. A Freddy Mercury impersonator?

The cruise director is funny as always advising that we've had 4 days of looking at rocks and scaffolding. Truth in comedy. But OMG. This bucktoothed guy is well into his leathery fifties. Freddie Mercury? And he minces and flirts with the men in the first row. How much does this audience get? I am appalled. He says you may think I'm on the other side but I have a girlfriend . . . Oh God. It's a realization of the Nathan Lane “Nance” character (trapped as the stage fairy) that we witnessed last year on Broadway. Although his voice is Mercury's - even better - the gig is astounding and we wonder who the booking agent is. Dispiriting.

In the Piazza, The dancers and singers offer a five minute musical vignette depicting the shipboard experience "relax . . . Escape completely" (the fraudulent Princess motto) replete with the black singer as porter (oops) almost washing away the sour taste of the faux Mercury.


                                                   

LONG JOURNEY HOME

Much negotiation, difficult placing an order with the Filipino reservationist and an hour later room service delivers a bottle of red and club sandwiches. It works but Bob plans to complain about this in-room feature.

It's late. Goodnight.

SUNDAY NOVEMBER 24
After stretch and abs a lovely table by the window overlooking the roiling sea (Bob noticed a thunderstorm when he was on the treadmill) we seem to get more of our share of that table location. Salmon and bagel for me and Eggs Benedict for Bob. All accompanied by fruit compotes and very attentive service.



Off to a young officer's presentation on the operation of the ship. I feel a little improved, Bob much improved.

Then on to a culinary demonstration in the theatre. So much to do on a sea day. The Italian exec chef and the maître d' demonstrate--a couple of kibitzers they.

Pasta dish. 300 kinds of pasta. I don't understand a word the chef says but he's so genial it doesn't matter. The dry humored maître d' has stats in his head: 3075 passengers 2020 US. 1182 crew: We eat 18-19 tons a day. 1140 of us going on to Ft Lauderdale.
They cook penne pasta. Sauté shrimp.
Tiramisu. Produce 120 cheesecakes a day.

Then lemming-like we en masse wend our way to the Botticelli dining room on the other side of the ship to tour the 80,000 sq ft. main galley. Gleaming stainless steel everywhere.

Upstairs to our cabin to discover the walking tour of Naples we wanted has been canceled. Quickly back down to the theatre for a lecture on Florence.

In 1958 the European community was founded. Livorno in Region Toscana. Livorno 2nd largest port. #2 bus to Montejo. 1.20 euro. Funicular to monastery.
Tuscany. Wealthy region.
Pisa. Birthplace of Galileo.
San Giminano; voltera; Luca is his favorite - 25 miles to Pisa and then 20 milrs to Luca. I nod off.

We go up to the buffet intent on having "just soup" but we discover the adjacent Caribe Cafe (also a buffet but slightly more congenial and slightly less crowded) which offers Asian teriyaki dishes today so throw out the old idea.

Delighted to discover at the Captains Circle desk that by the time we take the Scandinavian cruise in Sept. 2014 we will have accumulated 57 nights on Princess: Asia on the old Regal, Australia/New Zealand on the Diamond and this. So we will be Platinum status, entitling us to among other things free internet minutes. Yea.
The Flamenco guitarist in the Piazza is excellent.

This is the last Zumba class for this segment of the cruise and probably for a while since we'll be in port almost consecutively for a while. Before class the Asian woman next to me compliments my Zumba skills. Frankly, accustomed to these comments I thank her. Then she says she saw me in the Fitness Center. But they don't do Zumba in fitness. Oh maybe was it that man (she points to a fat guy practice dancing with his wife-"you look alike".) Reuel falling to earth! On the other hand, I have difficulty differentiating Asian facial features. Why shouldn't the Asians have a similar problem with us?



"Formal" in the cabin . . .

Time to do thermal and likely snooze on the heated bed which probably have done --it's an hour later. But the fun is in the sauna off the "Gents" changing room. First there's a clearly gay guy there. Then this fat old guy enters (it's a performance set) and goes into a rap which I love first for his New York accent, second because he and the wife cruise constantly so tips are freely offered. Didn't care for the new Princess Royal (which we're booked on for the Scandinavia cruise). Spa too small. Other Elite members complained. We'll persist anyway I offer.

. . . and in the lift.



“Broadway Ballroom” is about to begin. Almost bare stage -- backstage look. Love it. Flashes by. Amazing proficiency of the dancers, especially on a rocking boat. The adagio couple stand out but they all have personalities. The clearly older vocal woman has great vocal chops. Suspend disbelief. Carousel songs are set in a ballroom danced by women in white chiffon and men in military formals. Love it. (We'll probably see it again on the 2nd lap.)

Dinner. We're formal. The women are gorgeous in their gowns. We order a delightful Chablis. I have a chilled apple and yoghurt soup which won some sort of prize. And . . . It's fabulous! I say it's very rich. Bob "As befits a gentleman of your caliber.” "Excalibur," I reply. Bob’s pear walnuts blue cheese crumbles and poppy seed are "very very" good. Could be a dessert. I say I'm full. Bob: 3 more courses including dessert. I say I'll just pick. He. "It's not a sin to waste food on a cruise."Me: It's a blessing. Next. B a chicken broth with barbecue seasoning. He likes. My endive salad. Cold and fresh

There are some empty tables now at 8:45. "Hard to know when people dine. Bob. "Not when they're hungry."
Arlen, our female Tabasco Mexico server refills our glasses. Things could be worse I say. "And will be," says Bob.
 Bob's beef Wellington "really good. One of those classic dishes nobody makes any more." As to my lobster tail, how bad could it be? But I'd like a little more drawn butter.
The men in their formals are not the yokels of the daytime but "grandees”. We a gay couple, one fifth of one percent of this ship, however, are a lesson in probity.
Arlen serves Bob petit fours and me vanilla, though I do have a chocolate from the petit fours plate. Bob says, "They do make dining an experience. They don't rush you." Yes!

Wander into Crooners where our (of Zumba) fave Eve begowned is hosting a musical trivia game with Tommy McFee at the piano. Eve is her usual irrepressible self. We have Courvoisier and I miss an answer but it's a lovely end to the evening. Apparently Tommy is not continuing the next phase and we chat with him. He asks if we're part of the small (gay) group. I say we're loners.





"Formally" returning home.

Proceeding to an upper level of the piazza, there's Atomic playing mod dance music and Eve and another cruise assistant dancing and mingling. One hour back. zzz

MONDAY NOVEMBER 25  NAPLES

OUR LUXE NEIGHBOR--THE ALL-CONDO "THE WORLD"

Bob joins me for the beauty-afflicted (he looks like David--of statue fame) but personality-free instructor's stretch and ab classes. Bob disappointed.

Since our Naples tour was canceled, we are liberated from the rigors of schedule and make our way down to the DaVinci dining room before the kitchen closes for solicitous service and an amazing breakfast featuring a Mexican omelet that has some punch for both of us, bagel and cream cheese for Bob, and prunes, yoghurt and 6 grain toast for me. The cuisine started out inauspiciously and now by the 10th day of this cruise rates pretty high.



NAPLES AT SUNRISE



GREETERS FOR FUN AND PROFIT

Church of San Francisco off the People's Plaza. Unbelievable puts Rome's Pantheon to shame. Across the plaza is the royal palace. Worthies in niches. Great staircase within. "This place is full of moldering churches." It's teeming with life. I stop recording a narrative and "experience" the special glory that is Naples (it was memorable some years ago) with perhaps one finger on the shutter.



CASTEL NUOVO AT HARBOR

After 4 hours of walking the tiled streets of Naples, we are bushed



. . . AND ITS INCREDIBLE DOME

and seeing no enticing restaurant, we head back without too much penalty thanks to Bob's marvelous internal GPS system.

CHURCH OF SAN FRANCISCO

ROYAL PALACE



Zumba is everywhere and not only for "feminile".



NICE HATS

Teatro San Carlo





At the Galleria Umberto I





GALLERIA UMBERTO I

Street scene

Born To Be Wild

Restoration At Work

PLAZA PLEBISCITO
































Ah Napoli

Beauty of grafitti



Disembodied angel

Our Big Baby--The Ruby

In the Horizon dining room overlooking the harbor looking out to the mountainous islands floating nearby we toast a hard day in Naples and look forward to returning someday to complete the rest of our tour.

I guess I lead my life systolically. That is to say, I'm now having my martini, let's say a toxins negative (but yummy yummy). However at 4 pm I head down to the spa, first to the thermal room, where a regimen--a harsh word for programmed heavy relaxation--assiduously begins, decidedly a toxin battler. That's in a word, systolic, the contradiction that one confronts on holiday. Be a voluptuary. But also behave to counteract that. So I lie on my thermal bed, let's say I nap. Then I submerge into an aromatic steam, take my tropic type shower. Then today I decide to swim in the spa pool. And my fellow swimmer informs me that its supplied with a resistance machine that spews a constant burst of water against the heroic Sisyphusian lone swimmer--me. Yippee.

Back to martini.

Tonight's Big Shew (Ed Sullivan!) is billed as some sort of magic quick change. The early show is at 8:15, accounting I suppose for the late disembarkation from Naples (all those passengers rushing back from their tours of Pompeii, Sorrento, Capri, what have you, present and now accounted for).

Italian night in the dining room. Servers are dressed in Neapolitan costume as gondoliers (so our Filipino server asserts). We start with prosciutto, the Parma ham is quite good. Bob has pasta e fagioli soup; R minestrone. (Both acceptable but not wonderful). Mains B. Chicken Saltimbocca. R Mahi Mahi (forgoing spaghetti and meatballs, oh well) both good not exceptional.
Dessert. Tierra misu. Lovely. Nice presentation as well.

In the Crooners Lounge we wait for Tommy, the entertainer, to return. I'm having a mini-me martini - ok - just afraid of the caffeine in the fab mocha Tini - and Bob a chardonnay.
We talk with Tommy about Naples. I say that it's dirty and full of life. We love it. He replies, “It's fun”. No serious repartee from this practice professional. We remember the piano lounge entertainer on our Asian cruise—he was much more forthcoming when we dined with him in Vietnam—Lemon grass soup and confession I think was on the menu then.

He starts with Elton John. Well done. . . . At a certain point we need to leave but pleasant ending to the evening.

TUESDAY NOVEMBER 26.
It's 6:15. I'm up to hear then see the ship pulling into the port of Civitavecchia (finally learning how to pronounce that tongue twister), port city to Rome.

I mention to the barely awake Bob that Barbara, my cruise broker, and I specifically chose a quiet stateroom location. "That's specious" he mumbles. Species? I reply. Are you saying it's fishy? (Reading this I realize it's not nearly as clever as it seemed in the moment. Is it that one fills the day with inane rather than witty chatter? . . . No answer required.)

"We both have gigantic farm breakfasts and there's no farm." Says Bob. Actually after my satisfying first course of chopped fruit here in the dining room Bob says that we'd better leave now if only to escape the breakfast treat of the day, the flank steak and eggs with a potato pancake that I have--absurdly delicious -- and Bob's more abstemious omelet.

We waddle upstairs determined to walk around the deck only to find that it is really cold up there over the sea. Back to the cabin for me to change out of my optimistic shorts and sandals into jeans,

Explorers Lounge

proper walking shoes and leather jackets for both of us. Back up but those Mediterranean (?) winds are still unforgiving.

Club Fusion



Crown Grill

The decision is to tour the ship since we have it practically all to ourselves, which yields to the discovery that it's really pleasant to have a billion dollar yacht to ourselves and that the ship is really beautiful, with its richly but tastefully appointed lounges, spacious yet preserving a sense of intimacy in their design.

Back down to the stateroom only to defer to our steward's impending
need to clean our room and we repair to gain our exercise walking the 1/2 mile corridor from aft (our location) to forward  to the sky walkers lounge found in our recent peregrination and which offers floor to ceiling views from the pinnacle of the ship.

Skywalkers Nightclub

A chance to read another Dorothy Sayers short story on my iPhone and Bob The Patrick Millrose Trilogy by Edward St. Something, "good but not brilliant and wonderful the Times says it is" on his nook.

Trick Photography

Bob decides an hour of treadmill is for him and without difficulty dissuades me from following suit. Must instead relax from the relaxation and take to the balcony for lovely sun and a view out over the Roman sea - if such a thing exists until he returns at 2. Lunchtime!


Plenty of window seats available in the Horizon dining room and a gaggle of servants greet us with that advice. They patrol the aisles in need of an opportunity to provide service . Soup and a salad are our choices from the stations plus a bottle of Mondavi red.



  Are you being served?

It needs to be said that the service on the Ruby is incredible, thoroughly professional and friendly, solicitous consistently, in the dining rooms and the buffet court. We seem now to have one manager whose main duty it would seem is to pour our wine, which as it turns out does require that frequent kind of attention. He was present to watch the wine opening ceremony of our bar server. Though we confess to being very aware of his stern and observant gaze, I tell myself, "Reuel (we're on first name basis ) you're a sophisticated gentleman of a certain age do not, repeat do not, be intimidated."

Polar bears

A fat (surprise) person passes by. Bob wonders how much medication on this ship is required to keep these people alive. We have our own supply of vitamins, blood and cholesterol lowering pills and we're the portrait of health for people of our age. So the question's apt.

A benefit of a 1/2 bottle of wine at lunch, I nap for an hour and get ready for my usual spa duties. This time I give the pool resistance machine a ten minute turn, rather it gives it to me but good. Great exercise and doesn't take forever obviously. Should we install one at Bobolink Bluffs I ponder. As soon as $50,000 falls from heaven into . . . The Bluffs. Back in time to dress for the evening (not formal thank goodness).

Waiting for my martini and Bob's chardonnay in the theatre. Here they are. Now if tonight's comic falls flat we'll hardly notice.

Bob notes that there are no more formal nights on this leg of the cruise probably because the finale is so port intensive. We wonder how many there'll be in the transatlantic portion and Bob says when we get back "we'll be worth nothing." We wonder who we can get to turn down our sheets. This significant speculation takes us to the start of the show.

Dan, "How many going on for the rest of the cruise?"
Some Hands including ours go up. "
One word: “Rich."

I say "rich food".

Brit comedian.

In the atrium the singers and dancers are presenting a brief confection of Beatles numbers costumed bafflingly in Louis 14 costumes. Charming nevertheless.

Beatles in drag

Bob. I’m glad I refused the omnipresent pepper grinder. Best gazpacho I've ever had. (Bob. At some point we've got to trust the chef.) His black bean soup he expected to be thicker and richer. Not unacceptable. I say, nothing is unacceptable. We go home-cuisine for our mains . B. beef stroganoff he likes as do I very much my "grandma’s" coq au vin.

Ludmilla, the assistant server from Ukraine, when I offered her the wine said she doesn't drink because her family produced white wine and she had enough. Interesting talking to the international servers especially if the next door neighbors seem uninteresting (as this evening's do). Obligatory dessert is butter pecan ice cream for us (lovely as it turns out) not the many more exotic alternatives temptingly on parade.


Beatles sung and danced again in the atrium and then the Princess orchestra doing Dixieland and something that passes for it quite well (good solo riffs) and we are entertainment-sated and bedroom-ready. I think I'll have that chocolate heart Lamberto sweetly leaves on the bed for me each night.

WEDNESDAY NOV 27 LIVORNO

Today's Livorno so we'll sit it out. Cold out. And besides we went to Pisa and Firenze on last year's transatlantic.

Cartoons and cartons

Good Bob ordered coffee and tea at 6:30 because otherwise I would have slept through exercise class without that friendly but insistent knock on our door. Scale shows I've gained just short of five pounds. As to stretch class with Garren, there were four of us. But only two of us appear for abs, so because Garren will not proceed with so paltry a showing (lazy) my classmate conscripts her husband to join us, he who had other ideas. Afterwards because the disco style music is still playing I dance, aerobically of course, for ten minutes; it's great exercise and my special pleasure.

Bob's all ready to meet the day and meet his breakfast too so I'm obligated to "freshen" and dress tout suite. However a T-shirt doesn't do the cool air justice--it's 39 degrees outside and inside in certain areas the ship doesn't feel that much warmer.

Deserted Ship

Discovering another pool

 

Breakfast in the dining room is great, a fruit plate starter and then a few of our favorite things, for Bob peanut butter and bread (multi grain here) and Reuel bagel with salmon, cream cheese, onion and tomato. We hear the dining captain tell an adjacent table that the Royal Princess has been having problems and just had "trouble" on its present cruise--unspecified. Also that our transatlantic patronage is "light". If so good. More food for us!







 Bob returns from his hour on the treadmill while he watched Morning Joe. I, draped on our couch in the meantime, endured a sappy Tatum Channing movie and a biography of Picasso. We need to wait together for Picasso to die, but we are now ready for lunch upstairs selected in the Horizon but consumed in the Capri cafe where there are again swarms of servers and window seating available. Our Filipino server gets us a bottle of Mondavi (what's with Princess and Mondavi anyway?) and even fetches glasses made of glass (plastic is the norm in the upstairs cafeteria). Note to self: stop using the large plates at the buffet. Period! The buffet food here, contrary to popular expectation, is actually too damned good.



Our luggage est arrive



Petting his pet turtles

My turn to exercise for an hour on the ellipticals, then the thermal routine: napping on my pedestal bed of warm tiles, fog shower, resistance pool, sauna and voila! my skin is that of a baby, roast baby. (Thanksgiving treat.)

We'll grab our seats for the "Broadway" show early ( "Colors of the World") "new only to the Ruby" (the lead singer popped into the sauna earlier so I know his skin will glow too) and are able to order stolis

well in advance of the opening number. One merit in the Princess column: for the in-seat tray tables a la aircraft which present less chance of perilous balancing disasters.

Portable Potable

The show. Bob. "Very energetic." One old lady exiting. "I think they threw their backs out." I offer that they are a lot younger than us and feel with that confession even more a part of this elderly social club.

There’s a huge crowd pouring over the $6.99 t-shirts. So Bob drags me away. Swatch watches like my colored plastic watches are $46. Ditto – he succeeds in seducing me away with "your $3.99 ones are nicer."


Potable Pour Table

Chef's dinner. Appetizer. Potato Gnocchi with roasted Portobello and tossed with asparagus cream. Excellent. Our server is from Mexico, Guadalajara, near Puerto Vallarta. Our home away. This meal is gonna be tough because I’m full already, dear diary. Next. Lemon sorbet. Our Bouche is very very Amused.
Main for Bob is roasted pork tenderloin with truffled mashed potatoes ( very good), loves the retro mint jam jelly. Chardonnay pan juice. Pork very good. My Trio of lamb loin chops, braised veal and chicken cabob is simply ok. Didn't expect more.
Cherries jubilee. Who can resist? Not us weaklings. Bob. The cherry sauce is quite sublime  Where else can you have this treat or baked Alaska. "Because only people of a certain age remember this."

A cutie in the crowd.

No medium t-shirts left. I say "Why? Everyone's fat here." The sales people are hysterical. "You aren't." (Not for long.)

 


THURS NOV 28 THANKSGIVING.  TOULON, FRANCE



Happy T.

This Thanksgiving morning we dock in Toulon, France on the French Riviera. La di dah gateway to Provence, Avignon and Marseilles. (The latter 2 we've visited before.) But we desire to go ashore after a self-imposed ship sentence. So Toulon it will be.

Docked in Toulon

I get up a bit too late for stretch class but make it to Abs with Steven, making a third participant, then stay on for an hour of elliptical, Bob roaring for coffee when I return to the stateroom. So dashing upstairs for a no-carb breakfast for me. I tell Bob I'm happy that he's happy with his carb breakfast. We'll I am!

This seems to be the obsession aboard. When one woman on the elevator warns her husband that they'll eat fruit exclusively for breakfast the next two weeks. I say “Sure” and they laugh knowingly.

Need to buy tickets for a shuttle across the bay to Toulon. A bit of a wait atop the Jules Verne. We review the remaining cruise itinerary and the many upcoming days at sea . I tell Bob he wanted the month-long cruise. He said he agreed because he knew I wanted it. This is a very familiar trope. I say as it turns out I'm very happy. He says he is too. Enough said,

Breathtaking view of the panorama, speaking of which I discover how to use the panoramic function on my iPhone and am ecstatic. Floating in the sea we see the lifeboats that have been deployed by the Ruby during the morning drill. I wonder if they're equipped with bars and if they serve choc-o-tinis (in which case, we'll sign up).

1st pano photo!

I expect to see a charming French fishing village but condo towers loom ahead. Toulon is a city, Bob reminds me, of 300,000.



Lifeboats afloat. We're safe!

Fifteen minutes for the scenic crossing and it's after 11 when we dock in Toulon. We get on the off again on again (a cute little faux choo choo) Petites Trains de Toulon although I think it's one stop today at the beach. We'll see. At least we have the front seats. 11::35 we are off.

 

Go West (old man)

The narration is in French then English. It’s difficult to understand in either, so we pretty much tune out. We pass the large farmers market, biggest military port in France, first seaside village on Côte d'Azur in 19th c. 1st visitors were from North Africa.
Limestone mountains with pines surround harbor. Cousteau invented his diving vessel here. At one point Bob says this looks like France noting the filigreed balconies.
Ft St. Louis built 1697. 219 sunny days a year. 14.5centegrade average (guess that’s good).

Their Armory is a big deal to them.

 Brrr today.

We and everyone else aboard decide not to get off at the beach stop. In warmer weather we would disembark and enjoy a beach-front restaurant.
Bob points out an ugly slab of marble sculpture. "High point of the tour". Oops.
Back on our water shuttle Bob says “It’s kinda like touring North Island” (an unprepossessing military base in SD). We will return to Toulon in a few days. Perhaps we'll try some other touristic opportunities here.

There's a Mega Express headed to Corsica and Sardinia. I tell Bob that's where sardines are made. He says, I thought they were made at Von's. Hardee har har. "Toulon is like one of those anonymously lovely places you never want to go to again," says Bob at lunch upstairs. We are almost finishing off a bottle of wine after a not profligate but lovely lunch in the Profligate Court upstairs. We talk of Claire 's 95 year old mother who Bob says will live forever. I say Bob can have a good 20 years. Then burst out. “This dying business is such a cheat, so unfair.” We both agree there is no more to be said.

We talk of these long cruises, this one we agree we're enjoying. But Bob says the problem is that all these people are old. (I demur). He finds himself restructuring their faces of when they were young. I say that will make me sad. I won't do that. In vino veritas.

Nice long nap (thank you Bacchus).




HAPPY BUDDHIST HANUKAH

Full spa treatment including 10 minutes of pool resistance. Then up to our cabin for a martini and James Bond Skyfall playing in our two in-suite TV’s. Pause. It’s time to catch the 5 minute teaser from the singers and dancers in the atrium.

Appetizer: pâté simply acceptable. No personality but we tend to like country pâté. Going along with tonight's emphasis on alcoholic dishes, I have the Absolute vodka snow crab and Bob the Chardonnay soup. (Later discover it's charred soup -- oh well so much for metaphor.) Of course the turkey dinner is next and pleases, a thanksgiving sampler and mommy didn't have to Work. Daddy didn't need to carve. And the family didn't need to dredge up all the old festering wounds.

We are sitting on one side of totally uninteresting people -- they don't communicate with each other so why with us, on the other side the black obviously and not terrifically talented gay singer and what we thought was his also black lover who talks and talks to the uninterested responses of the singer. Hmm. Bob decides it's his agent.

My pumpkin pie is disappointing. Bob noncommittal on his Nutella ice cream but finally confesses he’s not fond of it.

They do lovely drinks in the Crooners bar where Tommy is playing for his last evening before his vacation until January, a "Nutty Russian" for an adventurous Bob. Me a Cosmo, God forgive me. La Vie En Rose is the next from the fake book. A woman comes up and tells him you've given us so much pleasure--a card and I presume a tip.

Time to retire. (But you are Blanche, you are.)

GRAND ADVENTURE: PART TWO TRANSATLANTIC--BARCELONA TO FT. LAUDERDALE ON THE PRINCESS RUBY NOVEMBER 27-DECEMBER 14, 2013

FRIDAY NOV 29 BARCELONA

"Where ya going? Barcelona." Sondheim lyrics from Company that cannot leave our heads. Well this time we don't have big plans for Barcelona. Bob recalls we did an audio walking tour last year.

DAMN, WHERE ARE MY SUNGLASSES?

It's disembarkation morning for those luckless souls who purchased only the 12 day Mediterranean cruise and are not going on and embarkation for the transatlantic only passengers who missed out on the first segment. We however are a “Grand Adventure” or some such. Special in our own heads, able to endure long respites and debits to our bank account--as the ship tatement informs us our Amex has been debited over $1800 for segment 1 (and double that for the entire

trip). Let's see there's that $384 wine package, $300 in gratuities, $200 Internet, $232 spa package, . . . Oh well. Life's too short to care. I tell Bob that I've budgeted our trips and we can afford them. That seems to appease him. (I made the mistake of seeming to be surprised by the amount of the invoice.)

CANDY IS . . .

We've done a little organizing of our cabin, sorted out the daily Princess Patters, etc. so we're kind of ready for our newest responsibilities as sailors. (13 cruises and you'd think we'd be prepared but there are always surprises around the edges.)



DANDY . . .

Erotric Museum and Marilyn her (him?)self

Breakfast upstairs (I do oatmeal) is prelude to our independent walk-around of downtown Barcelona which a 3.50 return euro ticket takes us to the town center. We've been to Barcelona twice before so some of it is still familiar, the Columbus monument on the harbor that greets us and then our goal, one of our favorite promenades, the Ramblas, crowded as always. Too bad it's cold out because a cafe with a glass of wine might have been just right.

OLD FRIENDS

Highlights are the flower stalls apparently imperiled because of some new tax imposition. Reason: the "indigestible tourism increase". Is that a mistranslation? The florists are busy collecting protest signatures, and then there is the covered Grand Marcado (market). "Grand" is usually a tipoff and well deserved here. The pure plenitude, the colors of the fresh food; you gotta love a public marketplace.

Death or Art?

Reaching the end of the Ramblas (or is it the beginning?) we enter the large bustling square, there's the fountain, there's the archeological dig carefully preserved in a mini-park, there's a department store we explore, there's a man lying on the square. Is he ill? Is he a performance artist? I take his photo because I'm a tourist (and one-time performance scholar).


There's an H&M where Bob buys a scarf and Reuel socks and pajama-style trousers suitable (I hope) for Zumba.

We're at the Horizon Court by 2ish. The garbanzo bean soup is delish. A 1/2 day of self propelled sightseeing makes a man hungry. Couple of sandwiches, tuna fish salad. The long wait for our wine mainly because we specify glasses.


  

COLOR!

We have a half bottle to take back to the mini suite for a glass after our "chores ". These, sign up for thermal, find out about our Sept. Princess North Cape reservation (I had reserved a mini suite on Marina deck; I wasn't sure); make a Crown Grill reservation for tomorrow at 8. Check. Check. Check.
We don't have to attend the emergency drill practice ("Please now stand and put on your life jacket") but get to hear it in our cabin anyway.

RAKEISH IN BARCELONA

Determined to attend the LGBT group this time, ascend to a charming bar on the 16th level, Adagio, where a group of gay men, generally older, though not necessarily than us, are already assembled in a large circle on armchairs requiring much heavy furniture lifting for us to be accommodated. Richard with his gold bracelets and "Tiffany watch" (he lets it be known) that he almost lost today clearly sees himself as host--can't fault that. Wonders why we never joined the group on the first segment. I quote Groucho Marx’s maxim, “Any club that accepts me I won't join”. His partner, a white haired Chinese man, David. To my left a quite old couple, from Marin County. Among them a couple from Fresno, together 45 years, not married, now joining the cruise, spent a week in Barcelona at the Axel, a gay hotel. (As a former "gay hotel"ier, I didn't want to "go there".) Seems a congenial group. Most are Princess Elites, the black cards passengers, which means they get free laundry. So every day they have all their apparel cleaned and pressed. Younger guy making the point that they stick with one brand of cruise line for the perks. Point taken. We need to decide what cruise will do that for us. But unlike these guys we don't cruise exclusively since we, in addition to cruising, focus on more submursive experiences necessitating tours and in-locus home rental. Bizarre that there is a male female couple in the group. There is whispering about "what is their story?" They sit silently, no one engaging with them. I feel sorry for them actually and suspect they won't return.

Gay. So what.

A somewhat younger (slimmer) older (fatter) combo to Bob's right, probably bears, from ?

Being a half hour early for the inaugural show requires another Martini and Chardonnay. The new cruise director, a glib fellow, has not the genial stand- up spontaneity of his predecessor, Dan, announcing that on board there are 45 Swedes 24 Spanish, 23 Norwegians 11 Mexicans 11 Germans. 18 Ausies. 326 Canadian, I832 USA. I suspect we're rather "light" the passenger maximum. And to a musical background and an accompanying film, he recites crisply a perfectly memorized and synced list of activities available.

GAY!

The dining room at this late hour and on the 1st day for many, is indeed "light". The couple next to us is sort of forbidding. He scrapes his ice cream dish and scrapes until there is no trace left. Fortunately, dessert over, they leave. The dishes appear in rapid succession. We have a half bottle from "our" cellar (yes, they store the bottles we buy for us) Me. Mohito cerviche appetizer avocado and splash of Bacardi. Absolutely brilliant. Bob--spring roll with peanut sauce which he says is “very nice” twice. My chicken broth is a little salty--strange since the soups have been uniformly excellent. Main. His Leek and ricotta tart. Very good. Me prime rib. Not great.

 

Our servers attend as if performing a surgery. She's from Chile, Roberto from the Philippines. As Bob says, "we're getting spoiled." Getting? We talk of farmers markets. Bob remembers one in Bethlehem when he was growing up. Horseradish root was cut and ground--it was strong. Mickey Mayo 's dad was the market master. Bob's uncle Louie killed chickens there. They were all recruited to work in the steel mill. . . . I don't remember a farmer’s market in Jersey City.

Dessert. Me: Brie and Gouda with apricot--just right. Bob chocolate chip. Just average. As we leave Bob wishes the server had a little less personality. I kind of enjoyed the interaction, bantering, but maybe a little less "attention" might have been in order.

Bed beckons and at our door are the tickets for a tour we decided to go on tomorrow at the Toulon docking, some hamlet we never heard of. Bob, though earlier in the evening he initiated the discussion of doing a tour, looks disappointed.

SATURDAY NOV 30 TOULON/HYERES

BREAKFAST in at 7 (McMuffins forever!) because we have an 8 am meeting for a 5 hour (8:40-1:30) excursion of "the medieval wonders of Hyeres" (who knew?). The cheerful chatter of Wake, the daily TV show with the director and deputy director is in the background in an endless loop.
It’s a half hour in the Princess Theatre while we wait for the ship to dock and our tour to begin.

Etienne Guy is our guide. Ee-err. Eye err res. Warns us that part of the tour will be on a steep slope. La seine sur mer. Part of Toulon. A poor place. Until 1992 it lived on shipyards. Then the workers were unemployed. Citizens hold swap meets on Saturday (we pass by one). Toulon is proud of its natural position as the 1st military harbor in the Mediterranean. The arsenal is the only arsenal. The rugby stadium is in the center of town.


Toulon is the European capital of rugby. A comic strip entrepreneur endowed rugby here. He hired the best rugby players. These are world champions. Mountains shelter Toulon but prevent building housing. “Too long” is one translation. Actually the name comes from a Celtic goddess. Between 1918-30 there's a section called "Chicago" because gangsters and drug dealers were here.
Not now. Toulon is very different from the rest of the region. Some cities are dangerous like Marseilles. Toulon is quiet but Toulon is not beautiful--bombed during WW2. Rebuilt for quantity not quality to house so many homeless.Ai yai! Half hour into tour discover that annoying depressing music, Debussy, that guide and driver try unsuccessfully to turn off is from my iPhone. I surreptitiously turn it off and we decide this ranks with my Machu Pichu disaster (when I dislodged an international historic stone I sat on). Also reminds me of when I first boarded the Gripsholm as its concert singer and my rehearsal tape wasn't turned off. I thought there was a rival singer aboard singing through the corridors until I realized what was happening. Almost a half century between similar dumb events. Does a man learn anything?

Swap Meet of sorts

Christmas in Toulon

Hyeres is the French capital of carnations. Also Palm trees. City council hired a man to count palm trees in other French cities. Hyeres had more. So the place is called Heires du les palmierres. It has an upper middle class population of 62,000. In the 19th century Toulon was the most important city in the French Riviera. Tourists came after 1860. After WW 1 and the financial crisis Brits stopped coming. Victoria stayed here 5 weeks. Named after salt. (I thought he said sword and besides wasn't it named after a goddess?) Greeks and Romans extracted it to sea. Remained on stone tables called “aria” and changed to Heyeres. Writers came here, e.g. Robert Louis Stevenson. The olive tree is the symbol of Province. 

Nice outstripped Heyeres. We see flamingos- barely- pink from eating shrimp. 15,000 yrs ago where now there are swamps was a river. Island once there is now a peninsula. 

Stop at Porquerolles for the bathroom. Bob and I lead the men on the bus all the way around a building in search of one (we are apparently not good for tours). Gloomily picturesque. Island of Porquerolles. President Pomidou "listed" the island so there is no construction. 

Guy named Frontier bought the island in 1910 for his wife and had 7 daughters but it’s mostly a public isle now. Nice is warmer but cloudier. 292 sunny days here. British came here for health reasons. This is the low season. (second that)

Tower of the Templar. 1167. Protected crusaders. Pope was the puppet of the king of France. 1312 broke up the order. Tower was command of power. Was huge farm. 

Museum 

Church

St Claire 

Specialties. Soap. Linen. Earthenware.

Cote du Rhone wine. 

Romans came here peacefully, remained. Left Provence language. 

Most buildings we see are refurbished but are medieval. 

Castle behind castle. Built 1000. 

Saracens came from North Africa. Stayed here until 976. Then returned as pirates. People took refuge in this castle. 

St Claire castle. Poor Claire's order. Richelieu brought nuns back here in the 17th c. Expelled in 19th c. Edith Wharton lived here. 

"Hey babe more ruins", says a man to his wife.

Wending our way up to the tower after our guide dismisses us and gives us an hour and a half to return, we take photos of the incredible panorama that we agree would be more so if it were warm and sunny instead of gray and cold.
In the town market square we find a table at an outdoor cafe where I order "deux vin rouges". The waiter says “Two red wines?” Bob laughs. It's fun watching the hustle and bustle before us. After a while I say “une autre”. The waiter shouts "The same!" and a Canadian couple on our tour (aboot) join Bob in laughing. I say Canadians are boring but they are not scary or pushy. Sometimes you long for a Canadian. Second little glass in hand, we are soon a bit warmer, and we listen to the sounds of French, watch the smokers (including a louche very young couple), now exotic to us, hear the vendors shouting, and see the women testing the fruit in the stall in front of the cafe.
As we wait for our tour bus Bob says "I enjoyed my wine. It makes going to a little French hill town . . . perfect."

As we alight the bus I ask Bob if I should play a little music for the passengers. He replies, perhaps something more cheery. LOL.
Driver asks us "where is the guide?"
Soon with much hand gestures he arrives, the young ship photographer in tow.

The architecture dates back to 19th c. Chapular architect, his patron Gaitieur created "clod hoppers". District built between 1865-95 in the moderne style, revised again with industrialization.

Ahead are the Faron Mountains. The French and the Americams liberated Toulon (more important than liberating Marseilles. Twenty years later in 1964 De Gaule made Algeria French).
.
We pass by the opera built in 1662, then a place of debauchery, the 6 muses, the Xmas market, and the museum of art. It is the "quiet season" so not much traffic.
Chopin and George Sand lived here.

Upstairs in the Horizon we try for a lighter lunch in anticipation of the feast this evening, although true to tradition we order a Mondavi cab with intention to take a half bottle to the cabin. Our window seating in the Caribe offers a lovely pano view of the limestone mountains sheltering Toulon and the harbor.

Afternoon offers an opportunity for me to essay a film, no decidedly a "movie", the latest Star Trek feature in Explorers Lounge (not the weather exactly for Under the Stars). Bob is decidedly in an en-suite reading and lounging and napping mood all of which he accomplishes superbly and leisurely. At the two hour mark I give up--I get the pyrotechnics and frankly am disappointed that the Princess's selection of movies is geared generously to the 13 year old boy demanding a large quota of explosions. The Star Trek plot consists of various people saying no "Don't, you can't do it!" which means that someone will do it to heroic effect.
I think I will go up to the spa in advance of my thermal hour and a half to claim my spa raffle award (assuming . . .) but realize I will be trapped there for a sales job and since there are no male masseurs (yes I asked) I'll pass, instead on to my appointed spa tasks (for future reference these are hot bed, fog shower, resistance swim, Jacuzzi, sauna, cleanse shower).

We dress for the evening (Bob wants to wear a jacket so I should be chopped liver?) since we have reservations at the Crown Grill at 8. And we are certainly swells for the production show in the theatre.

 

  

Crown Grill (Cris from Bulgaria is our server). Mediterranean style spiny Lobster crab cake, tarragon foam cured Ives, grilled asparagus. Not at all special. Shrimp and pancetta bisque. Superb. "Lovely" says Bob. Sudden substitution. Chris is leaving. "Another assignment." We get Constantine, a tad sullen, probably Greek. Is it something we said? Bob suggests since we didn't order the suggested black and blue onion soup Chris has been sent down to wash dishes.
Our filet mignons are wonderful (though maybe not Nick and Stef’s   [downtown LA steakhouse we occasionally frequented when we felt um "comfortable"] quality—can't remember) as are the accompaniments, the asparagus and baked potato. My lobster tail is really good. And then there is the big question. Though we're full to the eyeballs (knew this would happen) do we have dessert and if so what kind! Fortunately there's a chef's sampler, my favorite sort of food . . . That is, a choice of bites . . . Here comprised of . . . Final analysis after our two plus hour foodfest: Special but not Brilliant.

We pass by Crooners to hear a bit of the new guy in town. Oops He's no Tommy McFee. Time will tell if we'll spend much time with him.

Home we are beguiled by a film about Goya, although it does go on, with Javier Bardem and Nathalie Portman, both suffering brilliantly, a specialty of theirs.
Midnight goodnight

Tomorrow IS another day.

SUNDAY DEC 1 LIVORNO
Up for morning exercise classes @ 7. I inform Bob that I will be ready for breakfast at 8:07 which theatrically bogus exactitude annoys him, so I, perniciously repeat it and exit. Actually pretty close--the exercise guys on Princess apparently don't do full 1/2 hour classes; 20 minutes more like it.

We, on auto pilot, go upstairs to the Horizon Court and only at that moment approaching a buffet do we realize that our intention was to take breakfast in the dining room.

Adventitious timing because we bump into vivacious Richard and his Chinese husband, David, and they invite us to join them at their table. Very pleasant conversation getting to know one another. They are "high elite" which means they travel almost constantly, are often invited to top 40 parties and on Princess, though they note that the most frequent travelers take lower echelon cabins, they have obstructed view in the bowels of the ship next door to the most frequent travel award winners. So there. We try to glean insights into lives. David was married to another Chinese person, a woman he communicates with several times a week; has a son who lives in Santa Monica, a daughter and an 89 year old step sister in Beijing who they visit yearly. Didn't get much about Richard in this first outing, only that when he turned fifty his "restaurant manager" gave him a gift of an AARP membership and he fired her. So was he a party planner, a hotel manager? Enquiring minds will find out because no doubt we'll meet them again. Some travel tips--for who better to plumb for them than fellow frequent travelers. Viator tours, especially for China. Spring and Fall best for Japan visits. Oh we find that we are all close in age (and we are pleased with their surprise at that). David will be 75 a few days before Bob, Richard will be 75 June 9 and I am . . . Ageless. Hmm.

Bob suggests we tour the laundry room on our floor and I remark "this is what we've come to". Upstairs on the 18th floor deck to read and write while we let our steward clean our cabin. Got to send Gary birthday greetings. At least there are tasks to look forward to today. Not even that; his birthday is 3 days away.
Ah a clean cabin (as if it wasn't but they must do special things with the bed) and I am able to surrender my interest in a Sarah Jessica Parker/Pierce Brosnan movie in favor of lunch once I get Bob, who has seen it, probably on an airplane, to reveal the denouement.

The place is deserted!

Livorno loves its Armory too.

Palms add pizazz to piazzas

Best they can do for Christmas?

Shuttle to Luvorno. Brr. About the weather. It's been unseasonably cold. Now we're bundled up in gorgeous leather and full of the questing spirit. Maybe half full--Livorno frankly holds not much of a romantic allure. The duomo is the big deal but it's Sunday. We passed it up last time here so we’ll “give port a chance”. (Give Pisa a chance would sound closer to the Beatle’s lyric but doesn't make sense).

 

Hip crowd socializing in the c-cold.

One thing you can say about the place: no crowds. Almost no one. "Wonder why", says wry Bob. As Ms. Gertrude Stein notes, "There's no there there." Except that it's kind of neat wandering city streets that are virtually uninhabited. One street looks out onto the canal. One street with the churches in a row. One with the bar for the cool (cold today) young people, one for the farmers market with it's few stalls. And a few plazas. The Piazza Grande being . . . not.


Gotta love the ditzy

Rear view

 

We frozen catch the next shuttle back. Bob in a flash has his gym togs on and is off to walk a treadmill.
Shortly after I'm up to do my elliptical thing only back down to change for Thermal, no swim to be had because of the giant hairnets over the pool. Is that because we're in port? Can never figure it out.


Escape completely . . .

I Want this ceiling in our house!

Changed are we and early this time for the LGBT (read gay guys) circle. The cute--Juan from Puerto Rico--waiter tells me that our martinis are called 007’s. That's giving them some exoticism. Sure if I order that anywhere else, I'll get a look of incomprehension. How bout that bar in Ecuador that filled a tall glass with sweet vermouth when I ordered a martini? Now I’m showing off. Soon the couples dribble in. I make the mistake of saying we're also from Palm Springs only to discover everyone else either is from there or winters there. The 2 younger men to my right are retiring there from Portland, Richard and Peter. How do they manage that? Richard (the First) and David from LA are last to arrive and of course make a great hubbub as they greet each couple, Richard kissing my hand and making much of us (Bob later says he really ahem likes me. Oh please.) Bob has been chatting with a man of 84 whose partner on his left (I am less pleased with the circle of armchairs artificiality of it all than is Bob) is 85. They are not in great health and cruise all the time.

We are the first to take our leave to find our front seats for the show, with the British comedian. He's funny (not side splittingly so) as he throws in his stock jokes between working off the audience, especially those who come in late. He has "comic gold" in the front row, a Japanese looking lady from Kansas who carries a pot of flowers and a little boy who says the man with him is "not my father".

Say cheeseplate

Dinner: Chito from Philippines is tonight’s server. R soup--sweet corn and spicy Italian sausage chowder (lovely),  grilled chicken salad w black bean pico de gallo (yes!); main-pan-fried turkey scaloppine with gorganzola cream, spiced pumpkin, carrots and roasted bliss potatoes. (Not enamored of pounded meat but well done here). B, melon cocktail, chowder. Main. Vegetable Korma-Indian favorite featuring cauliflower, green peas, carrots, green beans, red bell pepper, tomato and potato curry w basmati rice, naan bread and raita. (Has real authentic Indian tastes. Very good). Dessert. B. Butterscotch tart. R. Vanilla sundae with strawberry and butterscotch topping. Bob tells Chito that we've been on the cruise 3 wks and he's the only waiter we really liked. He says he's deeply honored. I tell Bob we've liked all our waiters B. ‘I wanted to say something nice.” Good man.

B. Butterscotch torte. Looks gorgeous but he's disappointed it wasn't what he expected "but apparently I'm eating it". R. Vanilla sundae with strawberry and butterscotch and nuts. Lovely. Chito; "You're having the full Monty,"
The servers all have personalities and I remark to Bob, the service is excellent onboard.

Our just desserts.

MONDAY DEC 2. CIVITAVECCIA
Breakfast. R. Alaska Scrambler (scrambled with diced smoked salmon) hash browns, prunes. B. Cheese and mushroom omelet. (“I can certainly recommend it.") Six grain bread. Pastries are too good. Great breakfast. Spoil us!

We are still not into port. Poor bastards those who planned to go into Rome today, especially if they booked lengthy tours.


Candycane port

We essay an upper deck outside and determine yes it's very windy. Finally the ship tugs (maybe not the best word) excruciatingly slowly into port. And an announcement indicates that tours will go ahead as planned (although at least an hour and a half behind time.)
In the room I have too much fun with my iPhone Pano (panoramic) photo function (which Bob without great sincerity calls our new best friend).

Kimono art

At lunch I am very aware that if you have at least a cane, the servers will help you with your selections and take them to your table. Bob and I decide to bring a dummy cane along next time. We have Kendall Jackson chardonnay so we can take a half bottle back to the room for cocktails especially for Bob who at home usually prefers wine to martinis. Lovely Mexican Totillas soup. I apparently forgot the tortilla. Bob didn't and enjoyed them. My fish is excellent. Bob particularly liked his chicken salad, "plain old good, yes the pesto was a nice enhancement." Richard I stops by and the phony says "missed you last night”. “We were there,” says Bob. “Oh I didn't miss you.” “Yes you did,” says I.

Outside inside

Earlier I outlined my balance of the day schedule including 6 pm LGBT. "I'll skip it," says Bob. "I don't find those people interesting". I remind him that he said he enjoyed it last night and I said it was awkward. He says "I was just being good. Speaking to the 85 year old man was boring." I said that was my experience with another 85 year old man and repeat my contention that at that age I hope we'll still be full of enthusiasm and optimism not negative and resigned.
(Check back to these words in just 10 years [12 1/2 years for me]).

Decorating for Xmas

Exercise machine time. Bob joins me later to walk his treadmill like a rat. Unbeknownst to him I take a photo of him doing that while he staries blankly out to sea. The world will thus know his efforts to stay trim (and my efforts to record everything).

 

Get up from your lethargic napping and head up to the thermal where you will be the sole occupant of the suite there and imagine that you are a billionaire and this is your private thermal suite-- kinda lonely. Just as well that you are a very poor millionaire with an overactive imagination.

Ready now to greet the evening, we find the promised Italian opera singer in the piazza. He has a sweet tone although it becomes slightly strident when he makes the "classic tenor" effort. He sings a song I sang on the MS Gripsholm, Deine Ist Mein Gantze Hertz (or something like that) only he sings it in Italian being an Italian singer. I say that with a little more training he could be really good. Bob says it wouldn't make any difference in a nod to the audience's unqualified appreciation.

Our effort to miss the LGBT meeting results in in-room cocktails to my iPhone's Marian McParrland jazz. Since it shuffles, we get Danny William's Castro Boy recording which we purchased from iTunes when we were last with Danny and Brian in Mexico (I think.) I dance to it and we wonder how our friends are doing.

Corridor is not any shorter this segment

The big show in the theatre features a plump singer/comedienne, Siobhan, introduced by cruise director Lee who says the commodore told him that this AM was the windiest in his experience. (Good we're not a sailboat.) She really has terrific pipes, a lower register Cher sound (which she acknowledges) only better. Plays off the audience well, including that brattiy Aussie 8 year old in the first row. Sings an aria in memory of Pavorotti, only her version is in baritone. We seem to remember her from our last Princess Australia/New Zealand cruise.

Another Fashion Victem

Siobhan Phillips

Dinner.
We actually have a brief wait for our table, buzzer in hand. R. Alaskan Style Seafood Soup with whitefish, salmon, shrimp, mussels and crostini. (Lovely.) Both: Deep fried sushi with Bacardi Wasabi Emulsion and Kimchi: tempura fried vegetable rice rolls and spicy marinated cabbage. (I long for a little soy sauce.) Main: Roast Beef with Yorkshire Pudding and Gravy: traditional English fare with horseradish cream, glazed carrots, green peas and roast potatoes. (Perfect. Outdoes by far the Oxford Whitehorse of recent memory [and diary] but of course not the authentic atmosphere there.)

Our pleasant neighbors are Canadians with whom we have banter and conversation about smart phones and technology in general. When they leave we decide he will never marry her and though he had this ironic deadpan delivery, he's probably genuinely difficult. How delicious to speculate. We should raise our fees.
The ship, now that it's after 9 pm, is moving away from port on its slow journey to Madeira, Portugal.

My dessert is a so called sugar free fruit tart and is suspiciously good. Bob has English toffee ice cream in keeping with the evening's English theme. Lovely. I say "flawless dinner". Bob says he never heard that kind of accolade from me. Actually nonsense.

We have no energy left to sit in a lounge and listen to one of the several cabaret singers who are on this evening. And so to bed by 10.



Our night neighbor, The Aida

TUESDAY DEC 3 AT SEA


Show a little leg; get a big breakfast

Electronic alarm awakens me at 7.45 on time to get my place for stretch and abs. This time there are perhaps 24 of us--virtue of a day at sea. It's Steven, the young director, and he seems more animated and gives good classes this morning. I get to do some weights between classes so am feeling virtuous for the breakfast in-room waiting for me.

No moss grows underfoot today so 9:15 (looks like only one a day from now on) and it's Zumba. Must be 100 passengers, no fatties as far as I can tell. Hmm. (I opine later at lunch that once you are into the fat life, there are certain things you will or won't do--it's a commitment, a covenant). Eve does the same dances (though they are more aerobics than dance to my thinking) and promises to increase her repertoire later in the cruise. After this it's a rush to the first morning lecture (Bob to his beloved treadmill).


John Maxtone-Graham: Background of Royal Princess III

Lecture: Royal Princess by John Maxtone-Graham, noted author of books on cruising.
(Veddy Brit lecturer)
Requirement is that a ship must be Efficient, Comfortable, Safe.

1st Royal Princess. Built in the early 80's. Diana christened it.
(Duchess of Canterbury christened this one.)
All cabins were outside with bathtubs and had the 1st atrium of any vessel- - 2 decks high
He mentions crossing the Atlantic in the mid 30's whoa. Looks that old too.
Anecdotes about that sailing Crash.
Royal Princess 2 was a Renaissance 8.

History of christenings. Audrey Hepburn, Sophia Loren, Maggie Thatcher, Olivia de Havilland (will be 97 this year, sister Joan 96 [he doesn't know she's dead])

Cranes lift 600 tons of cabins in place.

Love boat filmed on Island Princess.

Waiting for the next lecture. Novelist, incredible background. Tom Williams. His murder mystery, New York bankers get what they truly "do serve".


Thomas Williams: The Great American Flying Boats

There were a host of Flying Boats during the period of the Great Depression to 40's. Wealthy people traveled on them;, akin to the Orient Express.
Reads his notes.
Used flying boats in 2 of his novels. Drawn to period 1903-70. Great progress.

Pan Am. Boeing 747. Juan Tripp. Wanted to compete with ocean liners.

On flying boats, no coach seating. Prior to WW2 for USPS's exclusive use. Air letter took 7 days (ship 7 weeks).

Why flying boats? Could land on seas. Airports couldn't handle it.
1st flight to Cuba 1927. Igor Sikorski built the planes with Charles Lindbergh as advisor. Passengers and mail. Named after sailing ships, the clipper. Lindbergh piloted the 1st clipper. 1941. 40 passengers. Stove for gourmet meals, smoking lounge.
Pan Am's S42 had a 2000 mile range. Toilets for first time. Like lobby of a hotel. Pullman service in the air.

Tripp's mission of exploration. Pan Am built facilities on islands on way to China.
M130 was the China Clipper. Trans Pacific. Image of high adventure. Movie China Clipper, Pat OBian. 3000 mile range. Flew at night so could land in daylight. 130 miles an hour. Convertible to sleeping births. Dining room. Only 3 planes. $1000 (=$10,000 today) one way.
He shows a film about the Clipper.
Next. Conquer the Atlantic. Boeing 314, 1939. The Yankee Clipper. 2 decks, upperfor  mail, lower for wealthy passengers. 9 compartments, including  lounge, dining room. 74 passengers. Chef. 6 course meals. Stewards (no women). Mayor Laguardia sent it off at La Guardia airport.

WW2 era came to end; film about problematic evacuation in Vietnam to Saigan.
RUSH TO:

Shaking for free martinis (all disabilities welcome)

Preparing all of my cocktails at once

MARTINI MADNESS in progress because the very interesting lecture ran late. David runs over to me to say I was 2nd star of Zumba. (Who was first? Eve?) I get some video of the little Philipino bartenders doing fabulous juggling but don't see instruction on how to make martinis so I repair to the stateroom to find no Bob. He was looking for me at the martini demo. So I quickly dress for lunch and we're, hungry, off.
Bob: turkey club. Me, all Jewish theme lunch of matza ball soup and potato latkes (not traditional, a sort of well spiced gourmet version--looks like sauerkraut disguised as a latka but works in its milieu. Horizon had a more traditional version.) the onion rings (onion rings?) are brilliant.

 

LATKES!

I tell Bob about the 2 lectures I attended in the morning (looks like sea days won't be dull). He says it's like going back to college. The program is called Scholarship at Sea.


We are here!

Speaking of which after our in-cabin respite with a short on the Princess
Shows, auditioning, rehearsals, etc. it's time for the next lecture--I'm exhausted already. It's "Rome's Eternal Moments" with a George Weston, Jr. (He'll do 10 lectures--some on opera).

George Westin. Trouble just starting . . . 

A tad ambitious

 Ancient Rome 1000 yrs 500bc-500 ad.
architecture based on arch, dome and vault.
Hannibal invaded and thus began Punic Wars.
Founded in 753 BC by Romulus.
Kingship of Romulus and successors statesmanship.
509 BC republic established. Trojans For political mtg place.
Rome united east and west.
1st c AD revolution evaded with bread and circuses .
Pantheon built in 127 ad by Hadrian. He's lecturing every day at sea but the guy has trouble reading his own notes. This lecture was superficial and as Bob puts it "unfocused", and his voice was making me nod off. So I don't know.


Home away

Some elliptical and then the thermal (chat with a man in the aromatic steam cubicle who enjoys his free internet that comes with his platinum status--here people are very status conscious--apparently both he and his wife each get the minutes so it's double. Looking forward to that in September. I try smearing my chocolate mint rub over my body but wonder if I've got the ritual right--didn't bring my glasses so can't read the directions, probably not harmful and I do smell like chocolate with a hint of mint {didn't need help there you say--ahem).
And in the sauna upstairs I'm conscious of a cruisey atmosphere as a guy’s eyes bore into me [not what I had in mind for sauna buddy but maybe I'm just a little flattered]).

PRETTY BOYZ

We look pretty this “formal” evening even though we don't don tuxes. Turns out the boys upstairs don't either, Peter and Richard 2 are in civvies--they won't be allowed into the dining room though they clearly don't care--though much bling in evidence. David shows me his Hong Kong watch "all my others are Rolexes" and I learn of the immense value of the jewels he lost--surprising gaucheness from this soft spoken man. It wouldn't surprise me from his husband Richard I, who let's us know that last night the lead singer and his gorgeous lover he, Richard, invited showed up and that when he complained about LGBT meetings no longer being in the newsletter he signed it "doctor". When we mentioned having holidayed in Oxford he replied that he not only attended Oxford but the Sorbonne. I was getting frisky (on only half a martini) and said you had a Sore bun? (Which snarky comment he didn't like.) Then when one guy took our photo, he said Bob looked dignified and I vociferously agreed saying he always looks dignified even when he's naked. I did manage to let him know that I've sung on a cruise liner and that I too went to Oxford. Little by little we'll find out more about them and . . . Compete. And thus the cocktail hour passed most pleasantly. (Hmm.) In fact we missed the 7:0'clock show.

David and Richard (Trouble in paradise?)

More old queens

So directly on to:

Dinner
While we wait to be buzzed in, the Captain’s party in the Piazza proceeds so we have the vile champagne and watch the champagne pouring ceremony--an opportunity for the photographer to snap the women in their finery--and a lot of it is impressive as are the jewels--next time: wear sunglasses on formal nights--pour champagne into a fountain.

Our dinners are the same for a change.
Waldorf salad with Stilton mousse. Mix it together and quite nice indeed.
And the asparagus soup is also lovely.
The main course is medallions of beef. In past I've had problems with medallions but these are excellent, rare as ordered.
Here we are looking spiffy in our jackets and ties and we're seated next to Tuxedoed and begowned Brits speaking upper crusty so it creates the right atmosphere -- window seating to watch the white caps as we speed along.

Of course we'll have banana fosters flambé . . . because we can! And God what's not to love.

Post flambe . . .

We pop into Crooners Bar to see if we can countenance the new singer (just barely--his voice undistinguished, he has no presence--eyes constantly on his fake book-and not clear what's his piano playing and what is electronic effect--whereapon a server turns heel on us when we just order water--I think a rare complaint is in order! Time for beddy bye.

practicing Jewboy. Which night is this?

Thanks but not our thing.

WED DEC 4. SEA

Stretch class is teeming with thirty acolytes of Le Stretch and room is at a premium. Even low key Garred is energized. My Weight. 152.2. (Not yet a true fatty but there's plenty of time to achieve that unextraordinary status). Perhaps 17 participants in Abs that follows but the class again is his best. Do some free weights afterward . So deserving of the juice, cereal, fruit and tea (I brew) that awaits in the cabin. Spend too much time getting a birthday email out to Gary so even 15 minutes early to Zumba and it's hard finding a place in Club Fusion, now Club Zumba! Over a hundred expectant dancers on their spaces. Then the rush to catch the . . .

LECTURE at 10.

 

CUNARD 19th c
Vomiting over deck—“a gift to Neptune”.
Passengers brought deck chairs onboard themselves. Fireplace in smoking room.
Germany’s Kaiser Willhelm hired a dwarf to make photos of ships look bigger.
Parliament subsidy for 2 Cunarders .
Steam turbine. Parsons put them in ships.
Brought to Queen Victoria's golden anniversary. Put in the Lusitania and her consort ship Mauritania.
Hull being launched was the 1st phase. Transfer from land to sea was dangerous
Mauritania tied up for a year for fittings before sailing in 1907. Traveled 600 miles a day fueled with coal. Stoking was brutal job. (The Smell of coal "very evocative to me".)
White Star Line. 1st class moved to mid ship. Strict gender separation. Supervised by a "Steerage Matron".
Rivals to Lusitania and Mauritania. Fake 4th funnel. The Olympic had 29 boilers. Squash racquet court. Best deck only 12 ft. high. Others 9. It and 2nd ship Titanic not really extravagant. Southampton competed with Rotterdam and Hamburg as home ports.
NY piers too short. Rammed in NY. Olympic found at fault. 3 mos to fix.
Titanic on April 10, 1912 left Southhampton. Photo of outbound Titanic and lobby.
Iceberg shells out below, 300 ft gash. 2200 on board. 1500 died. 700 of 1100 lifeboat seats were filled.
Anecdote about Rotterdam and a tsunami. Man who fell into wife's bed. “1st time in 16 years”. Woman whose sciatica was cured. Woman who thought she caused it by removing a screw. Excellent lecture.

Lunch in the Michelangelo Dining Room.
R. Gravad lax (beautifully presented and main of Tagliariny ("sounds like an Italian folk dance with handkerchiefs raised." Bob alarmed. "There will be no dancing at this table.") served with meatballs and parsley in tomato sauce. It's comforting and lovely.

 

B. Oriental broth and main of beef pot pie "they do a wonderful pot pie because they do a wonderful stew." Plus the inevitable Mondavi merlot.
I relate my pleasure in and details of the lectures I enjoyed, particularly today's history of the early cruiselines (and of the rival clipper "ships") and state that it increases my pleasure in cruising, being part of its history. Bob wonders if the lecturer mentioned the Gripsholm (the ship I sang on). I say he hasn't gotten that far. But it's possible. The Swedish American Lines was notable in its time for luxury cruising. Meriwearher Post reputedly was on the sailing prior to my first one, for example. (iPhone tries to spell her name as metro weather [creative as always]).
The Asian couple next to us are speaking Asian. We’re left out of the conversation.

Don Carlo, I think.

We are sure George the opera lecturer begins early. He says he's the only one of some 300 Princess lecturers who specializes in opera. (How many gay lecturers can they hire?)
Though Spain was the setting of the operas he's focusing on, there were no great Spanish composers. Spain's strategic geographic position in history. Roman conquest of the peninsula was a big deal. Spain produced emperors and popes. Melting pot of Islamic and Mediterranean cultures.
He'll discuss the 3 most popular operas.
Carmen. Debuted 1875 just before Bizet died. He thought it was a failure. 1972 Leontine Price recording with Franco Corelli.
50s-60s Italians dominated opera. This was the Golden Age of Opera. (Bob leaves). Bizet didn't put ballets into this opera. Freni: Great lyrical singer.

Il Trovitore. Verdi. Plays Jussi Bjerling. Known for his dominating lyric voice. (My orchestra leader told me Bjerlig always gave a blow job before singing to . . . clear his vocal chords. Was he telling me something?) Clarity. Died at 49. A work of Verdi’s early period. Complicated plot. Zinca Milanov in role of Leonora. Callas sang it as did Price. '53 a great year for recordings of the great singers.

Don Carlo. 1867. Based on a Schiller play. Richest, longest work. Commissioned for Paris Opera. George plays the monk’s chorus. Cumbersome plot. 6 major singers. Philip 2 on throne. His son Don Carlo betrothed to France. Father marries the princess. Plays recording of Domingo as Don Carlo. He dominated the role in 70's and 80's. Act 3 quartet. With Careras and Freni. Then sextet. Shows size of productions. Verona seats 25,000. 200 in orchestra. No mics needed. Similarities to Wagner.
Pavorotti always wanted to sing the Don role but not until 1992. Plays pouring scene. (Sang over 300 performances at Met). Plays Bjerling singing the same aria.

Verdi's Ernani---1844, his 5th opera. Highlights Price's legato line.
Lost card. Of course at least once every trip--already once on the first Mediterranean segment--I lose my card. Not in the theatre, not in the dining room. But it's simple--the cruise desk immediately cancels the old card and produces another. I could lose one everyday just for fun. Later when I explain to Maria at the spa that I'll need a new star for my new card, she says she knows me. I don't need one (but star I get).

Garren's Lecture--I just happen into this one on the way to use the elyptical (an hour until I can't stand MSNBC any more--but Fox would elicit a much briefer on from me--there's Garren lecturing on fat loss. It's impenetrable--all I get out of it, and, I suspect, the other auditors, is that seaweed and algae burn up the bad toxins on the water surrounding your nasty liver and you'd better sign up for his and Stevens consultations at $35 an hour to really understand. . . .

Thermal/ Sauna. The usual. The other guy on the beds asks me the time and says “I hate to leave” as he exits. True it’s hard to get up from that warm bed. And then there's the unleashed spa pool with its resistance mechanism. Unprepared for that (as I’m without goggles), I still give it a try and swim blind against the water pressure.

Showtime:

In the enormous Explorers Lounge, a large cabaret space. Looking forward to Siobhan Philips the headliner of the other night. Get a side front row seat, not perfect for videoing but good enough because I did want to record her; she's terrific. Hope she's happy doing ships. Boston (interesting name), the preternatural New Zealand 8 year old, is there with his permissive parents ("he's not my dad") and hugs the performer sweetly at the end.

Getting ready for the meeting.

Her cabaret performance piggybacks on the show in the big theatre, a ventriloquist, Jimmy, another UK entertainer. "Ventriloquists can't resist it when a coffin goes by." Bob is not fond of ventriloquists but admits this guy is good. We note that the comedians seem to like to laugh at old people. The question is, do old people like to be laughed at?

Ship curiosities, nutty Asian lady, her bewigged husband, NZ "family"

Dummy and Man

Dinner
Our wine is a 2011 Cote Du Rhone.
We're sat at a table for four as the only occupants like our friends who have their table which we've dubbed "high table" ( they invite a different couple each night). I pretend I'm a ventriloquist and there is a dummy couple sitting with us. "Did you like your meal?" "I didn't get a meal." "Pity." etc.

B. Mushroom tartlet ("very good--fresh mushrooms in a cream sauce"), mixed greens with blue cheese dressing, and Chicken Breast.
R. Oysters, spinach and potato cream soup. (It's light; I don't taste all the advertised components but it's very good--"Then it's a perfect blend" says Bob) mixed greens with beets and tomatoes, and Salmon.

It's amazing how the servers glom on to my iPhone. I'm always asked about my battery extender. How much is it? How much more power? Our current waiter and his assistant ask a million questions. I make him (to Bob's raised eyebrows) take our photo.

Our desserts are beautiful, Bob's Black Forest (“Certainly one of the chefs best") and Reuel's sugar-free (“Not an ounce of sugar,” I warn the server) strawberry mousse. (I'm very happy with it. Bob tastes and says it’s uninspired but as long as you like it. I say yes. If we were sharing that would not hold true but since it's mine . . .  it is.)

Ship is "light" so plenty of dining room.

THURS DEC 5 SEA
Because I could barely find a decent space at 10 minutes to 7 yesterday, I'm at the gym by 6:25 getting to do some machine weight routines, mainly legs. That damned digital scale is all over the place (must be the movement of the ocean) so as one lady tells me "I don't know where I am except how my clothes fit." Amen.


READY FOR STRETCH

READY FOR ZUMBA

On the way to Zumba, we look down out over the Piazza, now festooned in full Xmas regalia, all boughs bedecked, all trees bustling with glitter; we stroll along the wide corridors past the rich wood paneled and beautifully appointed lounges. "These ships are very glamorous," I say to Bob. "This is truly glamorous except for the people" he replies. Just before we had been commenting on the number of morbidly obese passengers, I noting, not for the first time, that a cruise liner is truly nirvana for a fatty, providing eating and lounging opportunities galore. Alternatively, there are exercise possibilities constantly and diet and healthful foods always (less availed of by yours truly--perhaps). For example, after weights this morning there was the usual stretch, abs class. Here we are awaiting Zumba. Later no doubt treadmill and elliptical and if that damnable net is off the spa pool, as it suddenly and inexplicably was yesterday, I'll swim against the odds--resistance that is. And there's all that walking to and from . . . Food.


10: lecture on survivors.
1. Tried response from mystery ship nearby. They had stopped the ship, Californian. No wireless contact. No assistance.
2. Edith in rag trade. Passenger. She heard various myths. Dressed inappropriately in a hobble skirt.
3. Violet Jessup. Had survived 3 ships.
Titanic Survivor. From her point of view as a stewardess. Saw captain and others not taking it seriously. Men at lifeboats, civilized exchanges with their wives and girlfriends, “We'll see you soon”.
Carpathian rescue ship. 2 1st class passengers aboard. "Typical Edwardian marriage. He rows. She steers." They spread the word. Soon all passengers knew what was happening.
Discovering last tune played on the Titanic. Sange D’autumn. Plays this beautiful plaintive melody. Very touching.

Tells of terrible but prescient book in 1896 about "Titan" sinking because of an iceberg.

Violet told of a woman she rescued as a baby calling and hanging up.

Bar steward holding on to floating deck chairs, another man drifting away saying his last words as he sees the 1500 falling from the sinking ship, "What a night." And so he ends another brilliant lecture. Princess, keep this eloquent old patrician alive!Still in my exercise togs, floral Thai t-shirt still wet, my Ecuadoran red striped white trouserines, I, not caring what people think, head down from the crowded theatre balcony to the orchestra for Tom Williams' lecture on integration of historical details into fiction.

WHAT'S COOKIN'?

Thomas Williams' (Best?) Sellers

His fictional character Michael Flannigan. book 1940-1941. By introducing fictional characters into his events, gives the events human emotions. He starts with just the Event. Writes to amuse himself. Next on WW 1. Says all problems today emanate from WW 1.
Uses people he meets. Built a character around a French waiter he met. Story can't stagnate because history moves. The characters are the heart of the novel. History is written by the victor.
Reads from his character's narration of his biography.
Orphan to pilot in WW1.
Details. Military didn't issue parachutes to pilots. Might encourage cowardly behavior.
Muscular prose. Not very elegant.
Aha. This lecture is about WW1 at first. Continues with his Flannigan character. From stoker to San Francisco boarding house to steward on Clipper ship. Not sure his overly clever and overly read presentation style works.

LUNCH. Bob immediately likes the "old world" quality of our server Adolfo, from Mexico. He's not a Chatty Cathy. Just serves. R. Smoked Salmon mousse in tomato cup (not) with bay shrimp. (Fabulous appetizer). Hungarian goulash soup. (I defer to Bob's opinion below) Sautéed Cod Meunière (“Brilliant. Best fish dish I've had in years”). And Bob. Hungarian Goulash soup. (Not as good as he hoped. Expected something "more full bodied".) Pork Sandwich gyro. (“Good. Everything is really well prepared.”)

Through a glass lightly

Although suddenly with the change of weather as we sail into warmer seas (we're heading to the coast of Africa for gods sake) the ship has opened itself to the outdoors and as we walk around the open deck # seven and pass the pools, we observe most deck chairs are occupied by newly minted sun worshipers. And the pools too are newly useful. However it is time for the film which is Great Expectations, not under the stars or the sun but in the big theatre; we watch Helena Bonham Carter chew up the scenery as Miss Haversham and Ralph Fienes as the benefactor of Pip and . . . Well if we could understand what they were all saying we might have thought it a great movie. It was picturesque. Afterwards I say to the woman next to me. “Well what happens now?” Laughter.

Miss Haversham and Friend

It's close to cocktail hour and although I should now be involved in strenuous exercise I choose to repair to our expensive balcony and soon we are sipping white wine thereon and watching the endless blue waves, captive to their insistent whispers and purrs.

We're at sixes and sevens. The evening shows are repeats, the “spieler” violinist, the ventriloquist. The bars are either closed until later or feature music and as Bob aptly puts it "old people dancing". So if we're to have cocktails out, it's the Adagio bar where the LGBT group meets and about which we are exceedingly ambivalent.

It turns out to be painless, however. My conversation with Hugh, dapper old guy (though, ouch, probably my age), originally from small town Nebraska where he taught high and elementary school. Retired 17 years. Bob speaking with Maurie pleasant guy. (True to form, we're all couples). All quiet until Richard 1 and Dave arrive again dressed to the nines because they are headed to the Crown restaurant, fee waived because Dave gambles. (An activity to try I guess.) Richard continues to flirt, and as we wait for the elevator, comments on the "bumps" in my shirt. (He lets his hand do the talking. Eww.)

Oh might as well have Dinner; another bottle of the wine we had last night, please.

Both: Chicken satay skewers (nice); Tossed greens with cucumber and toasted pumpkin seeds; Reuel: pan fried sirloin Dianne flamed with cognac served with mushrooms and mustard cream sauce, wilted spinach, carrot bundle and William Potatoes (in the shape of a pear--witty) really really good. Bob says that he won’t enjoy the beef until another cruise. I say Sept. 2014. I pretend to weep. Dessert. Sour cream strussel apple pie a la mode. I'm really crying; its so f- ing good.
B. Chicken chili. He likes it "It has some heat." Dessert white chocolate mocha tart for Bob and for me that apple pie a la mode. OMG. To die. This is getting ridiculous. Coffee and camomile tea. Can sleep be far away.

FRIDAY DEC 6 MADEIRA


MADEIRA WAKING UP

AWAKENED

Otherwise known as the lost day; that is it looks like I've accidentally erased this day's notes. (!)
So either I pretend the day never occurred or I try to, very imperfectly, remember it.
What is a compulsive to do? The latter of course, especially since the captain has declared that we set our watches back another hour so I am, this time legitimately, awake at a wee hour.
Besides it was a very good day. So why lose it? (Existential question: is it really lost for the person who doesn't remember it?)
Let's see. I recall getting up sufficiently early to see the twinkling lights of Funcal, Madera against the enticing outlines of dark mountains, already suggesting that this would be a special place. It is sufficiently early to depart for some pre-stretch free weight exercises and then to bend and crunch under Garren's ministrations.
Since a comparatively late tour departure awaits there's time for a healthy, large breakfast at the buffet (or was that yesterday?). The photos will be evidence since the faithful "evil eye" captures almost every morsel set before us. OMG does this recollecting exercise suggest that one day is now melding into the last, the last, the last?

THE EVIDENCE

Windsurfer showing off for The Rubyites



WELCOME TO MADEIRA! SOMETHING TO DO WITH STRAW?

We debate whether the weather is balmy enough for shorts and though it isn't, we're tired of long pants, and go forth short-ful at 9:30 only to wait in line in the funnel of the Wheelhouse bar and then to be sat in the Princess theatre in tour bus groupings. Bob notes a couple behind us bitching and bitching about "organized chaos" but after 40 minutes of sitting and waiting I am ashamed of my dismissive and supercilious response to their plaints. Let's get this show on the road; (not until 10:30 as it will eventuate). And though the guides have been excellent (and this one Helena) is) and much ground and info is usually well covered, there's much to be said for a more leisurely attack of a port.

PROSPEROUS CITY WITH RED TILED ROOFS

Funchal (I think named for a plant found here) population 120,000 and the island of Madeira, total population 260,000, that it sits in is beautiful. The required red tile roofs are tiny from our vantage climbing toward the highest promontory.

THEY'RE PROUD OF THIS ENGINEERING PROJECT

BLUES BROTHERS DISCOVER FUNCHAL

First stop is at 2000 feet, a golf course lost in the heavy mist, where in its lodge decorated already with an enormous cresh we have tea and moist indigenous sponge cakes. We are sat at large round tables, one woman so obese (a fattest among the fat) that she requires two chairs, but when the man next to me offers a vacant chair for my “wife” and I reply that we have no wives, the fat lady says "but you have each other" yes and how sweet. He says "you are lucky and I say this even tho my wife is one of the good ones." Old people are often very companionable traveling companions. As are the pleasant couple next to us she having had to cancel this trip twice because of sickness, and when I ask how she's finally enjoying this replies that she's just glad to be alive. It's good to befriend your temporary compadres because as here they volunteer to take your photo (people sometimes do just because they see me struggling with a selfie or our taking solo portraits) and he snaps a few of us against the dizzying mountains of our next stop at 5000 feet. Impossible for us to capture the beauty of this machu-Pichu like vantage photographically however. Amazing.

BABY JESUS AND PAPA BOB

ALL THAT BEAUTY CLEARLY HURTS

Back down to the core of Funchal (our ship distant as our driver expertly makes his way down the treacherous slopes--another Amalfi Coast-like adventure of vehicular “chicken”) where we stop for a couple of glasses of Madeira, sweet and dry (sweet wins though we choose not to buy any). The town is surprisingly charming, streets of black and white decorative stone tile which I should remember from our visit to Lisbon years ago with Silverseas Cruises (we stayed in the Madame Curie suite of the Lisbon Ritz) but don't.

PLAYING CHICKEN ON THE ROAD

PORTUGUESE TILE STREETS

A REAL EAGLE

A BUSTLING TOWN




MARS SPACE STATION?

BLANDY'S FOR TASTINGS

IT'S MADEIRA PORT. GET IT?

Actually, as to Madeira's relation to Portugal, it received its autonomy (had it's own elected president) in the ‘70's but not its independence. And that seems to work outr. Two parts of the island are very different. This southwest side is more balmy and populated; the north side has crueler, wetter weather. 2010 an Anus Terribilus for Madeira, devastating floods (they are building great engineering works to prevent reoccurrences) and fires. The once completely laurel forests were replaced by the settling Portuguese (14th c?) who needing room, cut them down and used and traded the wood for furniture. Now there exists a lot of San Diego-like trees (the subtropical climate is similar). What else do I remember? The other autonomous Portuguse archipelago is the Azores 2 hours away so that Portugal has a huge triangular swath of the Atlantic. Actually Portuguese is 4th most prevalent language on earth (250 million speakers-also Brazil, Senegal, etc.--only Spanish, Chinese and English more prevalent). (Look ma I’m remembering all this stuff!) St. Anthony is a big deal here. There's another inhabited island in this archipelago and two that are uninhabited. Tourism is big here but most people work for the government. Big import are flowers and bananas (go directly to Portugal). 

OUR CHOICE FOR OUR EURO

As we roam the streets of downtown, see that Portuguese men, as are their Spanish counterparts, can be very handsome but I knew that (I suppose the women are pretty too) and find in the town’s park a market in progress. A woman stops us and asks for a euro to win a prize. When we discover it's for “poor people” Bob offers a euro and we discover our prize is a lovely hand painted candle jar--worth more to us than a euro.

 





Back at the ship we Take Tea at 3:30. The gorgeous plenitude would cost 75 pounds at Fortnum and Mason’s in London. The German gays Richard alluded to are at the adjacent table.


GOODBYE MADEIRA

A glass of red in room. Me: elyptical for an hour while I watch iron Man12 or 13. Then resistance swim and sauna.

Clean up for the evening’s entertainer a comedian who is really funny. His shtick is he's from Jersey. Home for room service pizza and a bottle of red.

Nice day.

SATURDAY, DEC 7 SEA

Still can't get proper weight on the scale in the gym this morning and more sure this is because we are at sea and ship is gently rolling. This means I can eat unbridled because I won't know my weight for at least the next seven days we will be at sea. But nevertheless I'm aware there's a regimen to keep.

EVE ZUMBA-ING

9:15 Zumba. I'm in front row elbows neatly sharpened. Bob in back boxed in by various determined Asian ladies is honing not only his Zumba but his survival skills.

10:15 Int'l Culinary Demonstration is presented by the very personable and amusing Princess Commendatore guest lecturer.

Bio. Started with Love Boat. 300 crew then. Started a school in Philippines most of staff here is Philupino. Doing a Philipino Pancit. "More the pasta is long the more your life becomes long." I decide I love watching chefs cook even if I don't/can't boil water properly (maybe someday--next life, although that's already overburdened).
Scallops contain 0 cholesterol.
Chef adds extra scallops "an elephant portion" because"I'm a big boy". I remember many years ago in Italy the mama restauranteur saying about me "Eat. You're a big boy."
I was then. Photos tell few lies.
"Never trust a skinny chef." His assistants show and offer tastes of the lovely dishes he finishes to those in the front row and aisle ends. Next time sit at the end of the aisle.

A COMMANDATORE COOKING

Next. I know Bob prefers to do treadmill at this time but I'm sorry he's missing these lectures which I really enjoy. (Later he tells me he's really enjoying himself. Is that at all possible when he's not doing what I enjoy??)

11:30 "The Only Way To Cross, Part 2. John Maxtone-Graham concludes his discussion about life aboard the great North Atlantic liners."

Does he attract an older audience because he is old and his lecture is largely reminiscence or is it that all audiences here are old anyway? (Likely the latter.) The chef in the former lecture acknowledged this perception by saying we are all older here and we need to take care of ourselves so he introduces these low cholesterol dishes full of colorful vegetables. (But then he concludes with a "5,000 calorie" custard. The Commendatore knows his real mission.)

ARE MY PARENTS IN THIS PHOTO? COULD BE.

Maxtone-Graham appears in his kilt. Talks of his Scottish grandfather (the laird) who wore a kilt. Does wonderful impossibly dignified standup center stage for a few minutes before retreating to his podium.

As the ship went down those in lifeboats could hear music. Why so few lifeboats? Old rules.

Kaiser Willhelm insisted ships that did business with Germany be built there. First ship. Imperator. Tallest funnels. All German and Dutch ships docked in Hoboken. Dining room 24 feet. Skylight. Winter garden. Smoking room. Marble around the tubs. Listed. Needed modifications.

Need for immigrant berthing space. Mattress was straw, a pillow served as a life jacket. They came out on deck to breathe.
Eventually steerage became 3rd class. Now had cabins. Families could stay together. Food for 1700 was prepared thrice daily."Huge, impractical but somehow magnificent" ship.

War. Ocean liners had "dazzle" painting so could confuse Uboats.
Became hospital ships. Britanic sank. Other loss was The Lusitania in 1914. Went to bottom in 20 minutes. Kaiser’s fleet auctioned off to victors after WW1.
2 changes after war. Burned oil instead of coal. In 1920 cut off unrestricted flow of immigrants. A new class: “tourist third cabin”. Very successful. These passengers called themselves "white collar steerage". Not a “cruise” but a “crossing” between US and Europe.
For Seasickness cocaine lozenges were admirable. Later banned.
Walkers around decks transferred coins from pocket to pocket to keep track of miles. Games on decks. Entertainers: boxing kangaroo. Stock room. Wireless reports delivered.
Lines booked undergraduate jazz bands in the summer. On the France, “Le Bowling”.
Boatmen were gamblers who fleeced single rich American men.Dancing partners were recruited from 2nd or 3rd class for 1st class ladies.Passengers were summoned to meals by a bugler.Gymnasium was available for men and women at different times of the day.
He shows a customs photo with the immigration officers' heads cut off--"the way it should be."Afterwards I hear a passenger say, "What a delightful presentation." Yes.

I skip the next lecture [12:15 "Who Killed Harry Oakes?" Murder in the Bahamas with Lecturer David Bryan Lewis. Explorers Lounge. Deck 7 midship] because as I announce to Bob nestled on his big sofa with nook in hand, "I'm hungry."

And shortly thereafter we repair to the dining room.
Though we think we might have some wine storted for us in the cellar, the server says there's none there. "Someone stole our wine!" (Not really—we just drank it all the previous evening).  #153 please.
R. Chinese egg drop soup and spaghetti with seafood in tomato sauce (very nice). Bob goes prole with a cheeseburger which he likes, “better cut of meat, (the French fries could be fried more)”.

Not for the first time an extolling of the virtues of cruising ensues.

We are offered a wine tasting by a Serbian. I ask if he's a sommelier and he says he's been in the wine business 3 years. A Flaw: Princess doesn't have specific sommeliers like Celebrity does. Bob says "I've been in the wine business 13 years, buying and selling and . . . Puking." "Well characterized."

I decide I'll ask for lemon with my camomile next time. "Why?" "Because I can." That says it all.

We're proud of ourselves because we decide to take advantage of the "e-z checkout" service (only $20 per person) which means we leave our luggage outside our door and the next we see of it is in San Diego (theoretically). Additionally Princess will issue our boarding passes. I verify this is so with the customer service people. (This and easy iPhone internet service are decided improvements over our last cruises).


CHECKING US OUT

Now to write our friend Al Hamilton in Ft. Lauderdale to see if he wants to meet us for lunch after we disembark (before my afternoon ritual of elliptical and swim, heat and shower prior to dressing for another formal night).
A slight frisson occurs in the locker room when the Atomic lead singer is missing his shorts. Someone must have swiped it and the inevitable Richard 1 is buzzing about with busy concern for his "boy".

The young (ok somewhere in their 40's) are in the pool thinking its a big deal because the ship is naturally rolling or rolling naturally and watch me as I do my resistance swim. What pussies. They are in the sauna when I also try with minimal success to engage them. They have no muscle tone and though I'm sure they are fine fellows, they do belong in Palms Springs where they will be relocating . . . and drinking.

6: musical Showtime in the Lounge features Jamie Clark. Jamie is not the girl singer we expected but in fact the cute, skinny British assistant cruise director with the terrific voice. Actually he does good Sinatra. "Come fly away with me." His try at Adelle doesn't work though, wrong range. But good audience rapport. Kind of undone by an adorable wide-eyed dancing 2 year old at the end. But he's surely better than many a mainstream act we've experienced on cruises.

SHOW BIZ AXIOM: DON'T SHARE WITH DOGS OR KIDS

7: Showtime Production Show "Colors of the World". We've seen it (and all the production shows) on the first segment of cruise but these shows pass by in a delightful blur of movement, music and color so who cares. I decide to hurl caution to the winds and take some videos. Stealing all those all-singing all-dancing souls. Even if the sentiment, "the whole world is coming together. Can you feel it?" must elicit a sad "no". But surely a close textual reading is not the point.

SAME CAMPY STUFF

Dinner. We have a private table this evening and I ask our server to take our photo in the elegant setting. Our air-cured prosciutto is excellent especially dipped in balsamic as Bob who had it before knew it would be but he is not keen on the accompanying ricotta flan. However his corn and west potato chowder he loves completely.

YUP, US AGAIN.

Reuel's lobster tail (wonderfully sauced, briliant, but really wish there was more. Next time order 2) and crab cake (not wonderful but a good try). The asparagus is nicely al dente. Bob. Chateau Briande (“lovely and just a very satisfying meal") and the bernaise succeeds.
Bob suggests, of the plethora of desserts available, the petit fours.
We talk about servers. Ours tonight is sufficiently deferential and efficient. Bob doesn't like the chatty ones. It's not the little cakes Bob expected but darn those cookies are good. We both agree the pastry chef is excellent.

Good night.

SUNDAY DEC 8 SEA
Mid-morn on Internet we discover that Al will meet us in Ft. Lauderdale. Neat.

IT'S EARLY

It's Sunday but the morning services we shall attend are in devotion to the god of pain and gain. I to some free weights and the class regimen and Bob to walk those long machine miles.

WHO KNEW GARREN COULD TIE HIS SHOES.

Breakfast in the dining room mistakenly chosen because we think we can control food consumed better there. Ha.
B. Pastry. Orange segments. Cheese omelet.
R. Bobka. Melon cocktail of cantaloupe, honeydew and watermelon drizzled with lime. “It's utterly delightful”, I say. “I've got to do this at home”. We both laugh.
The Lumberjack special: Minute steak and sunny side eggs.

Of our 4 neighbors, New York accents and food demands. I say "this is reminiscent of the Catskills for me." Bob having heard all of my anecdotes of that time laughs knowingly. We are privy to the women's conversations about celebrities they don't like and will not watch: Mel Gibson, Rosey Odonnel, Roseanne Barr, Tom Sellick, and William Shatner make the list of shame. The husbands having no doubt been cowed into submission over hard generations are silent, their thoughts clearly elsewhere.

The waiter says something about lamber jelly to me as he serves Bob his omelet; I realize he's saying the lumberjack will be coming. Bob says “He doesn't understand you either”,

The hash browns are wonderful as are the mushrooms. And I manage to devour every wonderful morsel of steak and eggs on my plate. Substantial breakfast.

As we leave the dining room Bob asks "What do you want to do now?"
"Throw up." Instead we return to our room to watch the rain and fog shroud the sea.

THE FAMILY TREE

Waiting for the lecture on the House of Windsor: the princes of Wales. Quote about royal biography that it is not to be entered into lightly but soberly, discretely and in the fear of God.

Edward 1's first for the House.
George 3 had 4 sons. Only the 3rd son had a child, Victoria, who was Crowned in 1837 at 19. She Married Prince Albert and they had 9 children. Her Prince of Wales was not as clever as Vicky, the 1st born (but female). Built Balmoral in Scotland. Albert, a wise prince, died at age 42 in 1861. Queen Victoria said the crown Prince killed his father who was to lecture his errant son for indiscretion when he caught his fatal cold. She mourned 40 years her 20 years of marriage.
Albert had thyroid eyes; his mother constantly belittled him."I can never look at him without a shudder." He and Alexandra had 5 children.
Boys for first 3 yrs dressed as girls then were dressed in sailor suits.
Albert was the heir, George the spare.Indifferent scholar like father. Died in 1892.
George married Mary.George's Son Edward became the new prince of Wales.
Victoria died in 1901 reigned 64 years. Prince of Wales now Edward 2 (the caresser).
He was the 1st monarch to drive a car. He died in 1910. 11 kings and dignitaries including teddy Roosevelt attended the funeral.
Albert's Son reigned as George 5th Mary known as the other 4/5.
WW1 changed name of Montbatten to Windsor.
Brother Bertie married Mary. Reads sonnet by John Bejetman about death of George 5
King George 6. His Daughters are Elizabeth and Margaret Rose.
Canceled the regime of widowhood.Ok I'm a little confused about the chronology but this fascinating 84 year old lecturer (author of 24 books on ships) was probably born with a double breasted suit on and I could listen to him recite nursery rhymes all day.

The rain having ceased and the temperature being pleasant enough I settle on our balcony and commence Jonathan Frantzen's 2001 novel The Corrections which I found in the ship library unencumbered by due dates and rules and beckoning "Take me".

Zumba
Bob. "I work so hard being a good person. But these Japanese women. .. .”

“Essen. Me gayen essen!” (Yiddish expression for Eat! I'm going to eat. I once heard a comedian chant that in the aforementioned Catskills. An indelible motto here.)

Upstairs settling into the Caribe Cafe with R choosing all fish selections, a fish stew, a something fish almondine, and a Manhattan clam chowder. All pleasing.

Not only Jews play mah Jong to wit the couple behind our window table are clearly Chinese. (Well they're allowed to borrow from our traditions.)

MAH JONG ANYONE?

Bob not fond of his tabouli - has pasta in it -- but likes his chicken waldorf salad and his swirl pumpernickel/rye Reuben.

Nice that the cafe is practically empty. But damn we need to wait six hours until dinner.

We talk of our travels. Is this only our 2nd transatlantic cruise? Yes. Bob asks what month is this. I say December. Day? The 8th. And it's 2013 and almost your 75th birthday. He starts to hyperventilate and I say breathe slowly in and out. He is filled if not with breath, with hilarity.

THE RESULT

So we have generous martinis en-suite as it were. Bob has had more than a nap, "a deep sleep". Not Reuel who reads some of his novel on the balcony and some on the sofa.

A REASON TO CRUISE

But we're ready for the Catskills, for god sakes a "mentalist" on the main stage. (Writing that phrase makes me sad/ expatiate why later.) Actually he’s impressive. Appears to read the minds of passengers who are clearly not plants,

SLEIGHT OF HAND?

We all file toward the Explorers Lounge for a sing-along Pub show (this ship is very Brit-centric in its entertainment) with the singers, dancers and cruise mgmt staff.

WENCHES AND WENCHMEN

Then continuing the delightfully relaxing routine of this day, it's club and beef sandwiches (with wine) in our cabin before bed.

MONDAY DEC. 9. SEA

Stretch and abs seem more difficult this morning (set our clocks another hour back) perhaps because I did weights before class and the ship was moving not inconsiderably.
Bob and I down together to finish our breakfasts in- room. It’s so nice of the smiling servant in gleaming white tunic suit to have brought it to us. Bob notes that it's "always a good little breakfast" of dry cereal, today mini wheats, bananas fruit croissants honey and jam, coffee and tea (I brew mine with my infuser and tea leaves). "And you don't have to wait for it."

ZUMBA. We're a half hour early as usual to wrest our spots from the greedy others.
The lady on my right from New Jersey and I chat. Once she mentions that she and her husband volunteered for the mentalist a gaggle gathers around us to speculate on how he does it. How did the x mark manage to appear on her arm, how did he guess what random audience members were thinking (that mystery remains).

"If you can do Zumba here you can do it anywhere," Eve says in reference to the rocking of the ship. I take it a little easy, in deference to that rocking and the fact that my knees are not friendly this morning. (Did I overdo it earlier?). Bob and I have brought along a change of t-shirts for our race to the next event.

LECTURE:

With Prince of Wales Edward. British newspapers ignored his affair. Not the U.S. Then finally Brits did. His reign lasted 327 days.
Bertie ascended to throne as King George 6.
David and Wallace "lived a tasteless, wasted life". He "signed on as 3rd mate on an American tramp."(Her 3^rd marriage. Get it.)Noel Coward said statues should be erected to Wallace because she saved us from the wrong king.
After the war service men voted in Labor and Clement Atlee (“a sheep in sheep’s clothing”) became Prime Minister.

Walter Babitt said Royalty should maintain mystery.
George had cancer. Died in his sleep at Sandringham.
Queen mother. 800 men at table. One man started to sing if you were the only girl in the world . . . All sang it.
At 95 she said, "If you did everything right and one day were run over by a big red bus, you could have said I could have gotten drunk last night."

Charles 33, Diana 20. Trouble almost from the start.
(He thinks Kate is remarkable. Made no mistakes . . . Yet.)
How the relationship between Edward (David) and Wallace was created: Sunny John chorus girl. Taught matrons of London the lobster grip. All Edwards mistresses were older. Could cope with his premature ejaculations. I tell Bob of the lecturer that "I love him to pieces." "Americans are suckers for the royal family." "Well he is too." Maxtone-Graham clearly has affection for the royals.
Bob returns to the cabin but I remain to hear the next lecture on a mystery topic. We'll see.

Murder, Mayhem and Madness. Lectures by David Bryn Lewis
He's a retired police officer.
He relates anecdotes. At 19 went to pub. Had a great "knees up". Later met daughter's fiancé at a pub. 100 pubs in Britain close every month. 6 pubs for his village of 300.
(He lives in a "quite twee" cottage.)
Mayhem that night. 

Purulia Arms Deal Case.
Peter Bleach hotelier. Said to be arms dealer. In 1995. Major industry for Britain. Dealt with Danish arms dealer. Imported to Purulia district of India run by communists.
Dane escapes but Bleach arrested for bringing arms in. Gets pardon after 8 years, but fighting for his innocence. Wants Dane arrested. 
Not sure that I care.

Wash up sweaty guy.
Lunch with Richard 1 and David. "You've plucked us out of the crowd" says Bob. We meet on the dining cue. Discover that David, who is just this side of boring--unkind--started out as an electrical engineer who worked on major systems which,. . . eyes glazing over; the surprise is that Richard is a Congregationalist minister.

Videographers on working of the ship. Show 3 video vignettes. Embarkation Day. Story of Storex. Entertainment. Once Upon A Dream. 9 projectors simultaneously the most interesting. ,.

I return to the cabin laughing about conversations in the spa. Richard 1 is there when I arrive. I think that's what he does, visits the locker room and spa. Pool closed, probably because of the rough seas. Bob advised me not to do elliptical so as not to aggravate my knee which has been—um--funny. So after thermal I hit the spa where there are discussions about travel. One guy complains to me about the repositioning part of the cruise, the service, the food, and so many old people with walkers; he didn't pay to vacation in a nursery home. He says food is so much worse than the first leg from Venice. The bread? Oh the bread is very good. How about the desserts? They do very good desserts, yes. The soups are good too ? Yes good soups. At this rate I'll eliminate the entire menu. "Besides " he says, "I've been eating all my meals upstairs." Yes the buffet is good isn't it. "Yes, very good." And I thought the comedy show wasn't until tonight. (Reminds me of the cartoon on the wall of the San Diego delicatessen DZ Akins "Waiter I hate this food and the portion is too small.) But it continues in the locker room as I dress. Enormous elderly guy, one of the usual spa cast of characters, saying how impressed he was with the spa doctor who at 32 was head of surgery at some Philippines (I'd guess) hospital, very impressive. I chime in, "And now he's doing makeup ?" My humor is apparently too special. "No, no it's that Botox thing." "So you 're thinking of having work done?" Only the guy in the corner catches my eye, getting it. "No, no I earned every wrinkle I have." No doubt.

On our way to the comedy show (the funny New Jersey comic who headlined a few days ago; this is his cabaret performance) we pass our ever-friendly and upbeat steward in the hall "Have a good evening." Bob, recalling the bizarre story that Richard and David told us of how they bought a bunch of electric toothbrushes which they bestow on favorite serving people, says "Too bad we don't have a toothbrush for him." Comedy tonight.

"You walk around hitting the walls bouncing around like gerbils looking for your cheese." Tom Drake is the comedian. “Woman had a baby with a turkey baster. She appeared in the food section and the health section. My fathers a bastard, no he's a Baster.
Viagra. The commercial says call a doctor if it's 4 hours. I'm calling every ex-girlfriend I've disappointed.”

In the theatre waiting for the show, the opera lecturer sitting next to us is a lot funnier than he is as a lecturer . Story of man who calls the doctor to come to his room: “My wife isn't moving”. She jumps up when the doctor arrives and says to her husband, “I told you I wasn't in the mood”.

SHOW. Stardust.

Italian night. The servers dressed are like Neopolitan gondoliers. Ah the indignities. Ours is Marco from Serbia. WE forget his assistant's name, who hunts up our remaining wine. Bob. "I personally like the waiters better when they're wearing vests."

WILL IT BE ITALIAN OR PHILIPINO WINE SIR?

R. Seafood antipasto. Shrimp. Squid calimari’ etc. It’s served in a cream sauce. Lovely. Bob's eggplant is a mini eggplant parmigiana. Very good.
Bob's minestrone is "not made from several cans" as at home but more like a potato soup with a few vegetables in it. Not exceptional.
Mains. Bob. Chicken saltimboca. He thinks it's better this time than in the first phase. (Take that sauna complainer.)
I order the sorbetto limoncello with what I think is an impeccable Italian accent. Call me Ms. Stone. Rosetta Stone. But Bob wins with his Neopolitan style ice cream, top cream layer and fruits. I taste it. It's wonderful. Bob absolutely concurs.

My sorbet is . . . Sorbet. We wonder about the difference between sorbet and sherbet. I say we won't know until we're not paying for Internet minutes.

Turn your clock back another hour . . . losing time. Damn tour company hasn't replied to my request to let us know if the February tour is running. Don says in his subject line "Bad children" that one rent check bounced another not received. Sleep perchance to dream.


TUESDAY DEC 10 SEA
Ah the comfort of the lovely routine. Of course I get up terribly early in part thanks to this daily unforgiving turning back of the clock (I think we're only 2 hours in advance of Eastern Standard time now though it's hard to be sure) but I get a chance to make some advances on the Frantzen novel before knock knock our breakfast arrives and there’s barely time to grab some juice and vitamins before heading up to the gym with Bob, he to the treadmill, me to free weights, stretch and abs.

The predictable morning routine winds as we complete breakfast and go downstairs way too early to preserve our places for Zumba. I make a brave show of it though my knee isn't all spry but I'm in the first row in front of a hundred "dancers" and that placement brings responsibilities.

Bob patiently waits, while I do an available men’s room quick change into dry clothes, to take my wetties back to the cabin (“It's Superman”, he says when I emerge) as we part and I head to a very crowded theatre for the lecture, already in progress, on the advent of cruise ships replacing crossing liners.

Cruising - one class. - began on Hamburg America Victoria Louise- sank in Caribbean- captain killed self. Deutchland in 1900 became the Victoria Louise. Had dance floor. This revolutionized cruising because Ladies and Gents could dance together instead of going their separate ways after dinner.
Left Hoboken. St Thomas (Charlotte Amalia) first stop. Gentlemen alighted onto the island in ties and jackets. St. Thomas became the most visited port in the world. Always 5 or 6 ships. Played games on the deck. Kingston. Tailers made suits overnight. But the patrons left with misfitting clothes. Swimming was in a canvas bucket. New breed of passenger.

Aquitainia first for Cunard. Called Sunshine Cruises,
Diving Boys demanded coins. (I remember my parents talking about that inescapable phenomenon with a mixture of awe, irritation and empathy.)
Normandie went to Rio in '38 and '39. First pool. (Indoor) 1000 passengers. A French Line first: buffets. No pier in Rio. Anchored.

The Cunard Caronia debuted in 1947. Called green goddess. (It was painted different hues of green) 2 dining rooms, Sandringham and Balmoral. Open air pool. Always arrived in Southhampton on Wednesday. Could board one of the Queens to return to New York. 

Royal Vikings ships. 

Talks disparagingly about smiling models. One ad photo depicted a man smiling at a woman in bedroom "probably because not his wife".
QE 2 was stranded off Bermuda. Seaview took 1600 passengers off of it.
He was on the Norway in 1980 when it went dead. Rumor was that passengers would be put on a Carnival ship. "Thank God it didn't happen." (He skips "my" Swedish America line which was the Norwegian Line's rival. Big oversight!)

Bob all clean and sprightly does join me for the lecture on "Hemmingway (sic) or Lemming way? The Life and Death of Ernest Hemingway given by the ex-bobby David Bryn Lewis. . . . Strange.

Anecdote of course. How he was a missionary and fought for seafarers rights.
Even he recognizes he's overly-anecdotal.
Firearms in England is a no no. 800-1000 murders a year.
Seems to be reluctant to get to the lecture.
Hemingway's style is what crime fiction writers copied. Early1920's clipped narrative style. People were getting tired of Victorian writing.
Hemingway lived in the now. Is life about the journey or the destination?
6 generations of Hemingway's family commuted suicide.
H jealous of Fitzgerald. Had many near death experiences.
We are the heroes of our own stories. Buddhists say the present is all there is. Most people live in the painful past. We are impatient to escape this rambling discourse.

  We pass up the too-crowded pub lunch in the Wheelhouse lounge for the dining room.

R. Appetizer seared yellowfin Tuna (gorgeous and a real treat); Greek chicken broth with egg, rice and lemon.
My Main. Swedish meatballs with mashed potatoes and gravy. (Every element is excellent including the broccoli.)
B, chicken broth; "Wonderful"; Orecchiette w Greek peas, ham and cherry tomatoes; grated grams Padano. (I taste it—bravo--beautiful dish)
Princess wins!

As we finish our fabulous dishes, I pose this to Bob – if he kills me in a crime of passion and gets sentenced to death by lethal injection, what would he request for his last meal? He says “water”. Needless to say a discussion ensues. He amends his request to “sparkling water”.

HAPPINESS IS . . . 

Making the dreaded call to Gate 1, only to discover after precious telephonic minutes pass that they need 2 more for our dubiously scheduled February 9 trip to Indonesia in order to run, that it's not yet canceled, and that annoyingly our final payment is due tomorrow ( is that true?) or we'll lose our air reservation (what perfect crap). So I email Don to send the balance today since Bob suggests that if it cancels after the December bargain date for an Israeli or India tour in February we'll find something else, maybe San Francisco.

While on a walk-around we discover that the weather is balmy and that passengers are lying around the pools in bathing suits so we settle overdressed into chaises and watch a Bono concert on the huge outdoor screen. And soon, hapless, we are watching a sci-fi movie (Pacific Rim). One too many explosions requires an exit from this interrupted idyl.

THE BIG PICTURE.

Elliptical. I'm advised by those who know (and, I'm grateful, care) that I should go easy (knee/s) which I do for an hour accumulating enough calorie loss to (possibly) make up for the Peach Melba of lunch but not much else. Peddling I watch George Weston's Egypt lecture on the exercise machine's TV and am appalled that he reads his lectures then reads it badly in his twangy monotone stumbling over "his" words. Why does Princess hire a middle school history teacher (and that gabby ex-cop for that matter) who probably cribs his lectures from Google, when there are talented retired scholars who would kill to do this for all the lobster tail they can eat. (Our ex-good friend chef Arlen Hackett got lecture gigs on the la di dah Crystal line . . . but he, an ex tv chef, was good at what he did.)

Actually Maxtone-Graham is wonderful on this cruise and the SDSU geology prof. on Celebrity's Silhouette was also a standout so I'd guess these rival lines (and my big dilemma--everyone should have such problems--is which line to go with to accumulate loyalty points in the future) need better recruiters.

A GREAT SHIP.

Eschewing the thermal suite for the regular spa and its steam and sauna, I get into a conversation with a guy (possibly gay?) who lost much of his Connecticut home in storm Sandy. He and his other were taken in by neighbors and they waited seemingly forever for insurance relief. Said that the uninsured (he was insured) got 36k for everything. Doesn't blame government. Says the magnitude overwhelmed insurers.

A FAVORITE MODEL

The mentalist is about to begin. We had arrived 20 minutes early to find that most of the seats in the Explorers Lounge are taken but we manage to settle into one of the upper tier seats, perfectly fine though we are in a mission, as is everyone else, to find out How he does it. For the bulk of the show he calls out initials of audience members and identifies what they are thinking of. Whatever method he uses, it's great entertainment. Sitting with us are a black woman in a wheelchair and her white husband who (as we play let's speculate) seem like interesting people. Unfortunately our martinis taste funny, probably sweet rather than dry vermouth.

To the big theatre for this evening's Big Shew, Antonio Salvi pianist. He is gaunt enough to be/have been a crack head and plays, confessedly, in the Farante and Teicher mode. I'm getting a headache. Is it from the over mic-ing of his piano as he plays one note melodies of sappy favorites with random swipes of inappropriate arpeggios guaranteed to elicit pangs of joy from his largely unsophisticated middle brow audience? Or is it the residue of those too-sweet martinis? At least he offers solos to the talented members of the ship's band. Anyway we escape before he plays his encore (will it be God Bless America, Ave Maria, Home Sweet Home?) for the standing crowd.

HUH?

Dinner. We cadge a private deuce (request table #511) and our chief waiter this evening is the campy little Pilipino we've had before.

Bob: lychee, greens, beef Stroganoff "It's very good." Reuel: Rustic Beef and Vegetable Hot Pot served with empanadas. Good but not exceptional--needs pizazz.

WE ALL NEED HAIR LIKE THAT.

Coq au Vin simmered in burgundy wine, served with crisps, pearl onion and forked potatoes. Very nice indeed




Oy dessert. We both have with our respective decaf coffee and camomile tea and a Viennese apple strudel with vanilla sauce "served a la mode with ice cream" (but isn't that what a la mode is?) Bob "Is this brilliant or what?".

G'night.

WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 11 SEA
At a 6:15 it's balmy and pleasant on our balcony--bodes well--the only light is from the stars overhead. What is the "real" time? Does it matter?

We pass the captain (pardon moi, Commodore) and Bob asks why he's roaming around the ship. It's his ship I reply. Actually it's his lounge too because we Zumba-ites are being booted out of Club Fusion.
Seems the Commodore is doing a Q & A there--so much stuff so little time--
and we wind up in the Explorers Lounge with a larger stage for Eve the instructor but a much smaller dance floor for us, so there's jockeying around. I stick to my rights and grab the first row and a now Zumba-confident Bob is not far behind. Again some conversation about the mentalist. One woman thinks she's figured out how he "reads minds"--something to do with index cards. My Zumba neighbor, "If he could read minds he'd be retiring on his stock market winnings instead of playing on cruise ships." Amen.

The next lecture is not, as advertised in the Patter, on the Titanic (tomorrow) but on his trips on various cruise liners, especially Cunard's Queens.
Holland America's Rotterdam is now a museum
Royal Viking Star lengthened the ship
Did Titanic ceremony
The Queen Mary 2 had a short funnel so it could fit under Verrazano narrows bridge.
Smoking rooms got smaller.

Anecdote about Queen Mary, wouldn't give her boys an extra allowance at Dartmouth Naval College. Said it should be the same as their classmates. Back and forth entreating her. . . . They sell her letters to their classmates.Next-- a tour of the Princess Theatre (not going to miss that)

DOES SHANE REALLY WEAR THAT?

Production Mgr looks like a production mgr. should. Sturdy. (She's " a cross between a stage and tech mgr."

CO. MGR. LOOKS BETTER ONSTAGE

Company performance mgr.: Rehearse in LA 1 month to learn all the shows. 6 mo contracts.
Her assistant.: There are 8 dressers. Demonstrations.
Front of the house. Audio.
4 singers; dancers sing along with backing track.
Shows run through a computer system called radar. Track fills out the musical portion.
"Once Upon a Dream" show uses multidimensional cinema projection. 200 lighting fixtures. Production shows have 100's of lighting cues which are preset. Designed individually for guest entertainers.
Conventional fixtures create a nice wash. Scroller changes color. And intelligent lighting fixtures are programmed to move around the stage. Gobos slide over fixture.(I knew that. We had a custom Villa logo gobo trained on the surface of our resort’s pool. We also had some intelligent lighting. Hey big spender.)
LED Curtain. Automation too. Moves scenery.
Size: fly gallery stretches to deck 10
Lifts and lids from flooring area
Pit drops down to deck 5. Slope lid. Drop it down and closed off--13 seconds to lower or load.

Cast hired not by cattle call usually. Performers do their own show reels
DVD's of choreography. If vocalist, also gets a live audition
After the cast learns choreography they marry it into the production elements on board. This takes a few weeks. Less on crossings because of sea days.
Staggered contracts. Cast members can be transferred to any of the 18 Princess ships.
As to compensating for ship movement, it's easier when dancing.
Costumes made to fit more than one body type--can compensate.
20 seconds is quickest costume changeThen it's time to Tour the backstage and dressing room and costumes on conveyers.

Excellent tour and introduction to the ship's theatre. We pass the Spanish language class in the conference room on our way to lunch . . . but we can't do everything. Wonder if they'll be teaching Danish or Icelandic on our North Cape cruise.

Lunch accompanied by our usual Cotes du Rhone Cabernet.
Reuel. Mozzarella and vine ripened tomato (fine, as advertised), green pea soup, (comes with a crunchy thing that's good for dipping), London mixed grill with beef medallion, veal kidney, lamb chop, English banger. It's yet another culinary treat, all those different meat flavors. And great presentation.
Dessert (shame!) fruit tartlette (so good)

Bob. The green pea soup and Chicken Korma (chicken in curry sauce) "splendido." Tutti Frutti ice cream. (likes)

We pass the magic show in one of the lounges but it seems boring and besides I'm apparently allergic to it since I start sneezing fitfully. We beat a hasty exit.

TALK TO THE SHOE

WE FEEL PRETTY . . .

Warm and sunny and lovely outside. Bob, unsure that he wants to be outside, takes a bench. I take to a high chaise perch over the pool, the giant screen before me now showing Jobs, the disappointingly reviewed movie about Steve Jobs. But I watch. We agree, well actually I like it somewhat better than Bob who, as was I, got engaged enough to remain in plein air and the open sky to watch it to its inconclusive conclusion; Jobs doesn't die yet but he does re-take over the company because he's basically a bastard. A little too into the weeds but you can't beat being happily supine on a chaise lounge overlooking a behaving ocean.

Instead of "attending" the 6 pm LGBT (and where are the LBT's onboard? Not that we are looking intensely) lounge gathering, we are relaxed and having drinks in our mini-suite--which we've grown to love.

Showtime. Tenor says in a biographical moment that he was good at football. I say soto voce that he was good at the buffet. He sings sings “starry starry night” to a montage of Van Gogh paintings. Has a pretty voice so it's ok. Unfortunately at a high register the strain is painful and there consequently ensues some discussion of 3rd rate entertainment which is more the norm than not. Is it that Princess pays poorly?

Dinner. Adolfo is our main waiter. The wine--a cut above on the 2nd to last on our pre-purchased premium wines card-- is Spur Livermore Valley Meritage.

Bob. Thai wraps. Tomato soup (gourmet quality) and Beef Wellington. Petit fours.

Reuel. Shrimp appetizer. Tomato soup. Lobster tails (note plural since I ordered 2 plates--something sophisticated and fat cruisers learn to do--) Milky chocolate soufflé w amaretto sauce with the usual camomile tea. Bob, tasting, says it's lovely but he doesn't like warm dessert.

As we return to our cabin Bob, recapping the day, is indignant that the cruise director before our Zumba class was leading a bible study class and discussing biblical verses with passengers afterwards. And he didn't invite us! . . . Kidding.



THURS DEC 12 DAY AT SEA
I'm clearly not up to the responsibilities that come with cruising. I wake up to discover 1. I've lost my key card again. 2. I realize in the middle of stretch class that I didn't log out from my last internet episode. Run down between classes to discover Bob, who had decided to remain in his cabin, shut it down when he logged on but we've lost 30-40 precious minutes. As to exercise classes, taciturn Garren who is on today is wearing a sleeveless shirt. My goodness, makes it hard to concentrate. He actually shows some (other) personality this morning too.

WHAT?

Zumba. I take 2nd row because there's that damnable bible reading class when I arrive and I need to get a new card at the concierge desk. A woman comes over to me to enquire why I'm not in my premiere place. I explain that a bolt of lightning might have struck me if Id interrupted that bible class to save my place; she notices my Celebrity T-shirt and soon we are comparing the 2 lines. She says Princess is offering a 100% refund on a short trip against a future cruise. Gotta look into that. Not up to full speed with Zumba because my knees are ailing, particularly the right knee (the one I already had miniscus surgery on--oh boy). Sounding like a geezer because I am--getting old fast.

Full house. Late as always so I sit on the steps for the lecture. One fat old man steps on my fingers going down. Later going uphe  steps on my foot.
No slides. Maxtone-Graham performs “in one”.
Titanic. King George decreed that engineers wear a field of purple in honor of the Titanic's dead engineers.

Miraculous M's of North Atlantic: Sam Morse and Marconi.
Moss a painter. Lost wife but arrived too late. So created Moss code.

Marconi. Fate that he wasn't on Titanic. (Baby sick.)

Thomas Andrews designed the ship.

Passengers couldn't believe graze w iceberg would make them abandon ship. Captain ambivalent about letting men in lifeboats. Some swam. Director of the company escaped.
John Jacob Astor not permitted to join his pregnant wife in lifeboat. His Death certif.-- Occupation gentleman. Length of illness. Suddenly.

Passengers still aboard were hurled into a 28 degree sea. A bloodcurdling wail arose.
Capt. Phillips of the resue ship Carpathia. Acted well.

Ocean liners made line voyages. Sailed across ocean—had a purpose. But cruise ships were for pleasure and had no geographical purpose.

Philips picked up 700. 1500 perished. Reporter who was a passenger on the Carpathia ran out of paper. Capt. didn't want Hurd to write his report. His wife sat on notes when capt. inspected room. Fleet of reported press boats when Carpathia arrived in NY. No survivors talked to the reporters but Hurd’s hurled notes reached his editor waiting in a boat below.

Scenes of relief and joy. More scenes of distress and grief. Marconi's stock rose. Didn't want to profit. Walked into the ship's radio shack. Talked with the operator. Musicians, who all perished, played on deck until the Titanic sank. Cunard decided Carpathia would resume its cruise the next day. All passengers stayed.

Ghost story. Couple picnicking. Felt ghostly chill. Ghost of Bruce Ismay, disgraced White Star director, said to walk there.Back to the cabin to find Bob quite delighted that when he went upstairs to read, in some fab lounge or another, he ordered a Bloody Mary and is now "snonkeed" (well maybe not dizzy drunk but he is living la vida loca).

Lunch. Spanish Gazpacho (good; has a little pizazz) and Chefs Salad. (Enjoyable) B. Salad and veal tortellini. (Excellent)

Bob is making eye movements and head tilting. Finally I look. It's the great John Maxtone-Graham himself seated next to us. Funny that he sounds American sitting across from his clearly American wife. He seems to want to be private, barely eating. I regret that I do not find a way to tell him his lectures have been a highlight of the cruise for me.

What could be better. Paul McCartney is singing Hey Jude on the maxi screen (and we thought our home TV was large) as I lie on a chaise in the sun.

After a half bottle of wine per person I'm able to get (and I need) some resistance swimming sandwiched between hot bed, steam and sauna.

Dinner. Bob cheese soufflé. Superb. R. Shrimp cocktail. Classic Ceasar salad. Going conservative with choices from the "always available" menu. No surprises.
Intermezzo of strawberry sorbet with thyme infusion. Ooh so right. Is dinner over? Not even. Both of ud try the grilled beef medallions, Demi glacé and Stilton crumble. We're very pleased. The carrots are perfectly al dente. The asparagus just right and the filets lovely. God help us, Sugar-free (please note) coconut cake. Much merriment with the servers about the proclaimed sugar free but oh god this cake is sinful as in brilliant. I'd like to carry with me forever the taste. We both agree.

We enjoy the tech wonder production show Once Upon A Dream (that Freudian Through the Looking Glass Multi Dimensional Scenic Musical sung and danced to such as the Beatles) much more this time around but our poor server has trouble delivering our drinks to our mid-row seats and she has to go back for a new set of them. Oh well, giving us pleasure takes effort.


FRIDAY DEC 13 DAY AT SEA

WELL-USED CABIN LETTING SLEEPING BOBS LIE

Last of everything today and actually feeling nostalgic through the morning's usual exercises. Steven, the fitness director looks "down" today, less likely separation anxiety than maybe trouble with his girlfriend (that could be separation anxiety too I suppose).

THE INSIDE SCOOP: STILL LOTS TO DO

S T R E T C H

THE LAST (NAUTICAL) MILE

This morning even though the cruise manager is leading with frightening vociferousness and expertise a bible study class I forge in and put my marker, water bottle and towel, in my place in the front row of the Fusion Lounge. Then to the courtesy desk to enquire about our scheduled disembarkation "but we want to spend time with our Ft. Lauderdale friend" only to find that the late departure of 10;30 is inflexible. Frustrating. On the way back to Zumba a woman stops me and says because you're so good at Zumba would you take my picture by the Xmas tree. "Of course but one thing has nothing to do with the other." I take her photo. She says it's fuzzy. I say that's because I was doing Zumba.

GETTING CLOSER

In Zumba we're all chatty now that we're old partners in the crime of booty shaking. Some merriment among the dancers that I reclaimed my rightful space. I explain that I've been waiting here since last night.

LAST ZUMBA BEND

Interminable wait at the future cruises desk for a deal we probably won't get or want. As usual people taking forever; I'm usually in and out.

And Bob arrives over an hour later just in time for us to play what's left of the system and we put down $100 deposits for future cruises for up to $150 per person onboard credits and then we book a 4 day west coast cruise on the Sapphire January 9 from LA for free! That is we get our $1200 in mini suite costs for the cruise refunded on our next cruise, Northern Cape, next September. Oh la!

Dessert display. There's a long line to see it (a lot of folks with time on our hands) so down we go to . . .

TWO OF EVERYTHING PLEASE

Lunch in the Wheelhouse is an English pub lunch at a high top--always fun. "Like being in Oxford again." Bob tries "a Scotch egg which seems to be a hard boiled egg surrounded by a sausage and then breaded and probably baked and served with a little chutney" and when pressed calls it a "triumph of English cooking". My chicken curry is delicious. We love our accompanying ale, Strongbow, which we liked so much last time we pub lunched. We both top it all off with a "wonderful" sherry trifle because . . . we can. My response on diving deep into it, "Oh my goodness".

A FINE ALE

I say as one gets older food becomes a more serious pleasure superseding other pleasures (if you know what I mean). Captain announcing that we have been speeding (I noticed) toward Ft. Lauderdale because a passenger needs hospitalization (I think that also happened earlier on the cruise--and how many have died and are imbedded in ice somewhere in the ships bowels -- I recall that this ghastly function was located behind the Gripsholm's [where I was concert singer yada yada]  pool, something the passengers were not permitted to know) . Consequently we'll arrive at 11:30 this evening. Still disembarkation will proceed at it's scheduled slow (for us) pace.

MAN AND TREE

DAVID AND FRIEND

RICHARD AND FRIEND

In the photo gallery Bob at first can't find our photos. "Maybe somebody bought us." No such luck. We find them. "Destroy them!" is his stern (justified) pronouncement.

THEY HAD FACES THEN

In the Fushion Lounge Eve is officiating at a line dance. In the rear of the lounge I give it a whirl and then we leave. No Zumba it.

Lecture. "Proceeds from tonight's performance will go to ensuring that there are adequate spoons in the Horizon court."
Does his bio. Wife Mary counsel to Chanel. Son onboard a scriptwriter for The Simpsons, the other for Beavis and Butthead.

Definition of a gentleman, “a man who could play the bagpipe and doesn't”. Maxtone prefers "a man comfortable with a ball and invaluable in a shipwreck".
Ship has 3 sides port starboard and . . . social.
Of curious shipboard announcements. "Will all passengers who have not done so please do so."
He and wife Mary (not the woman he was having lunch with and apparently a practiced actress) then do a series of skits, rather polished, depicting silly interactions of passengers. The crowd gives them a deserved standing ovation.

WELL DESERVED FINAL BOWS

Much packing to do and Bob in 3 1/2 hours does a brilliant job filling our three suitcases. Meanwhile I of course say goodbye to the thermal and spa rooms for the last time.

MINUS VODKA THIS TIME AROUND

PICK US UP AND SEND US HOME

We write "consummate host" commendations for Eve (Zumba) and our steward Lamberto who gets an additional $50 tip. (We've paid $24 a day automatically toward gratuities).

THE CREW CAN MULTI-TASK

Of the staff talent show Bob says it's better than I expected. I say you had low expectations. It was kind of sweet.

A sanitation worker juggling--he was pretty good, singer from the production tech department, not good but willing, Etc. Fun occurs when before the show the entire audience bounces balloons at one another. Sounds hokey but it creates happy mayhem, octogenarians going at it with serious mein.

In the piazza we catch the passenger choral group conducted by Jamie. (It is indeed amateur night.)

Din din. I ask our daily dining room hostess Tiyana from Serbia if she's going on. She replies mournfully that she has five more months on the Ruby but she misses her family and her own bed. And Bob notes later that she has to stand on her feet all day and disappoint people. I reply that she gives them a buzzer and tells them to buzz off - in the nicest possible way and not all that often. Though the dining room was usually half empty (this trip is "light" 600 passengers, remember) the staff was apportioned to give maximum service and they did and we waited to be seated for them to do so.

For this final dinner, we have our own table for four and a rakish "personality" waiter who is as Bob remarks "good with old ladies and geezers." "That pretty much sums up the population here" I reply (though there is a young couple seated nearby, a feast for sore eyes. Could they have been on their honeymoon thinking there might be similar others?

Trio of Seafood, citrus and avocado. Cream of Pumpkin. (Not my favorite) Roasted tom turkey with "all the trimmings" goblet gravy, cranberry relish, apple and raison stuffing, cornbread and sweet potato. ( I just couldn't bear any more gourmet food tonight and this dish is perfect and awfully good.)

Bob. Watermelon and feta cheese. Grilled zucchini and eggplant with sundried tomatoes. Fettuccini Alfredo with chicken strips. (Bob is glad our dashing waiter suggested that addition).
And we actually have the baked Alaska -- retro dessert and a cruise ship favorite - sans flames but serviceable.

Clocks an hour ahead we are now on eastern standard time. Our cabin is bereft of our belongings (and we hope on their way to our plane) except for a few provisions to face the next day's new journey.

SATURDAY DEC. 14 FORT LAUDERDALE TO SAN DIEGO 

USA! USA!

A toss and turn night. I suppose that's in part due to the angst of facing a day of travel. Anyway not enough sleep. We need to be out of our room by 8 AM so that the next round of seafarers can be accommodated. And we comply. Great leviathan ships are parked adjacent to ours including Celebrity Eclipse and one of the largest cruise ships, Oasis of the Seas. No doubt Ft. Lauderdale is accustomed to the traffic but will this present a problem of congestion at customs?

OUR NEIGHBOR - CELEBRITY ECLIPSE

We're scheduled for a 10:30 disembarkation meeting because of our late flight. No mercy is accorded us despite our intention to meet Al in Fort Lauderdale before our flight and being luggage-less (courtesy of the "EZ" ship-to-destination scheme).

We meet Richard and David at the entrance to the Da Vinci dining room and are once again a quartet at breakfast, actually a pleasant coda to our trip with new friends we've met at sea. It's a leisurely breakfast and we decide we like these guys, characters that they are, though they don't really evince much interest in our lives (when I craftily drop into the conversation that Bob was a "university Dean" Richard is blank and continues talking). Funny, they're also taking advantage of the "free" four day west coast cruise but theirs just precedes ours. I don't let Richard get away with disparaging the mini-suite (they always purchase obstructed view or cheaper cabins--interesting phenomenon with frequent cruisers, most well-heeled; guess that's how they can cruise frequently) about which I jokily said yesterday to the Future Cruise specialist aboard "We're the mini suite kind of person". She replied "You've worked hard. Why not?" Right on both counts.

Now to wait to wait, we choose the clubby wheelhouse until it's time to meet in the Michaelangelo dining room. Jamie, skinny crooner and asst. cruise manager says we've got to tow the line and wait our turn. Who knows. We probably could have gone off earlier on our own. Forty minutes later we are released to stand in line for immigration control. Meanwhile I've called Al and he's there to pick us up at the entrance at 11:45. So much for the original plan of refreshments at his house before going to lunch.

OUR PERSONAL DRIVER - AL

LUNCH WITH AL AND MARTY

ALL AMERICAN FOOD - AND DRINK

So it's directly to the Bimini Boathouse sitting outside on the marina, Al's husband Marty soon joining us. Florida! which I love. Much catching up amidst the martinis, cheeseburgers (which I'm ready to allow myself after a month of gourmet dishes) for us, and salads for Al and Marty. All too short a time with them; Al gets us back in time for our difficult flight back.

Here we are in Denver--seats hard, need to get up and stretch and stretch. Flight delayed an hour so it's a mad rush to get the Denver connection to San Diego. But when all is said we're home by 10:30 (once again our smallest suitcase waiting for us from another flight--what's with that?) ready to face the new old routine and to tell with joy the story of this traveling adventure. "Once in a lifetime"? We hope there are more, but this trip even with all it's aura of familiarity beautifully fulfills the emotional meaning of that phrase.

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